Is it time to play with the grey?

When we are children, we learn what is right and wrong, firstly from those who raise us, then from those who educate us, and next from our peers and social groups.

If we each think back to those times now, we can probably quite easily remember the people who informed our early choices:

“Clear your plate, it’s wrong to leave food.”

“Don’t question, just do as you are told.”

“Don’t wear that, it’s not cool.”

“If you do this, it will be good for your career.”

And so the influencers go on.

When you think about the guidance we were given and the beliefs that we assumed, they are often quite black and white in their approach and thinking. For example, if you leave food on your plate, it’s wrong. You have made a bad decision; therefore, you are wrong.

A clean plate is good and equals a good decision; therefore, you are good.

Everything is sorted in our mind, and we don’t need to think about it again: a clear plate equals a good decision and a good person. Therefore, anyone who doesn’t clear their plate is bad. End of story.

Wow. What a long way from a caring parent simply encouraging their beloved child to eat well.

So, where is the grey here?

The grey is the communication and understanding that is often missed. The message has been reduced to: a clear plate equals a good person.

What was the original message of “clear your plate, it’s wrong to leave food” actually trying to convey?

Was it:

• You are wrong not to want to eat everything.
• Food is precious and should not be wasted.
• Vegetables make us healthy, so eat them.
• I have control over you, so do as I say.
• I’m worried about you not eating enough, but I can’t say that to you.
• I didn’t have enough food growing up, so I want you to have what I didn’t.
• I have trouble expressing my love for you, so I give you lovely food as a way of demonstrating this.
• Disagree with me. I want you to learn to tell me why you don’t want to eat it, so you can learn to communicate what is right for you.

And these are just a few of the things that might lie behind what, on the surface, can be seen as a very simple statement.

So, what grey might be behind the statements you hear every day?

What grey are you potentially communicating with the things you say and the actions you take each day? And how can you make yourself clearer?