How to put your oxygen mask on first

Stress, tiredness, burnout and anxiety are issues many people experience. They can have numerous causes, including difficult circumstances, health problems, caring responsibilities and excessive or prolonged pressure.

Although self-care cannot remove every source of stress, neglecting your own needs can make it harder to cope. This is where the familiar oxygen-mask analogy can be helpful: put on your own mask before trying to help others.

If taking care of yourself is something you struggle with, especially if you habitually put everyone else first, stay with me.

My top three tips on essential self-care

1. Go back to basics

I am talking about the big three: movement, sleep and nutrition.

These basic needs can easily slip down the priority list when life becomes demanding. However, regularly neglecting them may leave you feeling physically and emotionally depleted. I know what it feels like to run on empty because I have been there.

And when you are completely exhausted, how much energy do you have left to support anyone else?

It is also worth acknowledging the guilt-inducing voice that may tell you self-care is bad, selfish or a luxury. It might insist that you must look after everyone else first or that being kind and generous means continually neglecting your own needs.

Caring for yourself is not inherently selfish.

When we look after ourselves and have more energy available, we are often better able to support the people who matter to us. When you are continually running on empty, nobody, including you, experiences the best of what you can offer.

Over time, insufficient rest and excessive pressure can affect your physical and mental well-being. Making space for sleep, suitable movement and nourishing food can support your ability to function and cope.

What this looks like will differ between people. Exercise should be appropriate for your health, mobility and circumstances. Sleep can be affected by medical conditions, medication, caring responsibilities and shift work. Access to nutritious food may also be shaped by time, money and other practical pressures.

Self-care is not about achieving a perfect routine. It is about recognising your needs and taking realistic steps to support them.

“You can’t pour from an empty cup. Take care of yourself first.”

– Anonymous

2. Block out time in your calendar

If something is not scheduled, it can easily be pushed aside by everyday tasks.

If we do not make time for movement, establish a bedtime routine or plan when to buy and prepare food, these intentions may be overtaken by work, household jobs and other people’s demands.

Once you have identified what you need – whether that is more sleep, regular movement, time to eat properly or an opportunity to rest – schedule some time for it.

Treat yourself as you would an important client. Protect the time where reasonably possible, while accepting that genuine emergencies and responsibilities sometimes require flexibility.

It may help to begin with small, realistic appointments rather than trying to transform your entire routine at once. You could schedule:

• A 15-minute walk or another suitable form of movement.
• Time to prepare lunch for the following day.
• A reminder to begin winding down before bed.
• Ten uninterrupted minutes to rest.
• A regular activity that you find enjoyable or restorative.

Once the basics are reasonably supported, you can add other rejuvenating activities. That might mean sitting quietly for 10 minutes, listening to music, reading an inspiring book or enjoying a funny television programme – whatever genuinely helps you recharge.

3. Practise saying “no”

This can be the toughest step of all. Continually saying yes and placing other people’s needs above your own can contribute to exhaustion and resentment.

Many of us were not taught how to communicate what is and is not acceptable to us. Some were taught to put themselves last, while others grew accustomed to having their needs dismissed.

If saying no is difficult for you, begin practising in lower-pressure situations. Start with someone who is likely to respect your response or with a request where declining will have limited consequences.

You could say:

• “I’m not able to do that today.”
• “I need to check my other commitments before agreeing.”
• “I can help for 20 minutes, but I can’t take on the whole task.”
• “Thank you for asking, but I need to say no this time.”

Notice how it feels. Notice what the decision gives you and how the other person responds.

You do not have to begin with the person you find most difficult to refuse. Establishing boundaries is a skill, and skills become easier with appropriate practice.

When self-care is not enough

Self-care can support your well-being, but it cannot solve every problem.

If your workload or circumstances are consistently unmanageable, the answer may involve practical changes, workplace support or a conversation with someone who has the authority to address the demands being placed upon you.

Persistent anxiety, exhaustion or changes in sleep, mood or functioning may also require support from a GP or mental health professional. Asking for help is another form of self-care.

Put awareness into action

As with many things we want to change, this is a two-part process:

• Awareness: Identify what you need and what is getting in the way.
• Action: Choose a manageable step and put it into practice.
  If you want or need to improve your self-care, decide what you will do over the next two weeks. Block it out in your calendar and aim to practise it consistently.

Do not treat a disrupted day as failure. Review what happened, adjust your plan and begin again.