How to make relationships work

Making relationships work, whether in your professional or personal life, making friends or finding love, can sometimes mean stepping out of your comfort zone in order to get to know people. Showing genuine interest in other people can help create opportunities for stronger connections and relationships that you wish to keep.

Relationships are like cars: great when they are going well and truly horrible when they break down. Why is it that we sometimes treat strangers better than we do those close to us? If you want to improve your relationships with others, first start with yourself.

Start with your relationship with yourself

One of the great lessons that I have learned in my life is that you can’t change anyone else; you can only change yourself.

How do you feel about yourself and what you offer? How we feel about ourselves can sometimes influence the boundaries we set and what we're prepared to accept within a relationship.

Working on the relationship you have with yourself can influence how you communicate your needs, boundaries and expectations to others. Treat yourself as you would a best friend; look after yourself as though it actually mattered. Make an effort for yourself, not for anyone else, and see what difference it makes in your life.

Try not to make another person solely responsible for your sense of worth or fulfilment.

Communicate, communicate, communicate

If you really want to improve relationships, there are three important things that you can do - communicate, communicate, communicate.

Communication is key to any great relationship. In good relationships, people talk to each other, they make time for each other and show interest in the other party.

I was talking to a professional family mediator the other day, and she told me that communication difficulties were something she regularly encountered in her work with couples.

The pressures of everyday life can get in the way. People can start to think that the other person should know what they are thinking, and communication can begin to fall away.

In organisations where people are working on different floors, different sites and sometimes even different countries, communication becomes even more important. Today we have the technical ability to communicate quickly and easily, but there can still be value in making time for more direct conversations rather than relying on assumptions or brief messages. After all, we are not mind readers.

Non-verbal communication also has a part to play in relationships at work and at home. Tone, facial expression, posture and other cues can all form part of an interaction, but they can have many different meanings. Rather than assuming you know what another person's body language means, notice it alongside what they actually say and ask if you're unsure.

It can also be useful to consider whether what you are saying is consistent with the way you are communicating it.

Remember that relationships are a two-way street

Finally, relationships are a two-way street. Healthy relationships generally involve effort, communication and consideration from everyone involved.

Coaching can provide space to explore how you approach relationships, the way you communicate and what you need or expect from the people around you.