How to improve communication using transactional analysis

Transactional analysis is an “Evidence-based model of psychotherapy developed by eric Berne” (Lewis , 2023). It focuses on the communication styles between people and the world. It is used to "Analyse this process of transactions in communication with others. It requires us to be aware of how we feel, think, and behave during interactions with others" (Murray, 2023).

It is believed that dysfunction "is the result of self-limiting decisions made in childhood in the interest of survival. Such decisions culminate in what Berne called the “life script,” the pre-conscious life plan that governs the way life is lived out" (Murray, 2023).

These scripts are used in the three ego states of adult, parent and child.

What are the ego states?

The parent ego state: These ideas are based on our internal models developed as children in regard to how a parent may act. This state can manifest in two ways, the first is the nurturing parent which can be supportive or overbearing. The second is the critical or controlling parental style which can be helpful in setting boundaries or through increasing motivation but can also cause self-criticism and anxiety.

The child ego state: This describes communication in which we revert back to the roles and behaviours of a child. This again can be divided into two types, the first being the adapted child in which we reproduce internalised social learning such as positive behaviour and good social skills. The free child is impulsive and unrestrained leading to risk-taking behaviours or negative social skills from childhood which were successful such as sulking or becoming aggressive in order to achieve their goals. 

The adult state: This mediates between the child and adult state. It responds to the here and now using rational reasonable decision-making skills. 

Transactions

All transactions can be classified into three different types.

1. Complementary transactions describe when the stimulus and response are in parallel, for example, adult to child or adult to adult.  For example, a husband in a parental state reassuring his wife that their money problems will be OK. However, this does not necessarily mean that the communication is positive.
2. The second type of interaction is crossed, this is when the stimulus and response come from differing states. For example, if the wife speaks to her husband in a parent state to a child but the husband counteracts in an adult more rational state. This can cause conflict and states must be realigned in order to pursue a successful communication.
3. The final type is that of an ulterior interaction, this is when the states may be parallel but the social and Psychological aspects are different. For example, the husband reassures his wife but she responds aggressively or threateningly from the child state. In this interaction, the psychological aspects are more important and long-lasting than the surface social ones. 

Throughout our daily interactions, we often move freely between these states. However, when communicating or interacting with others we must ensure that our ego states are in harmony with each other in order to make the interaction effective. Transactional analysis is “about having the psychological flexibility to move between each ego state as needed” in a Psychologically healthy way (Lewis , 2023).

In order to improve communication try to think about which state you are in, what state the recipient is in and how these can be realigned. For example, if you are asking a spouse to help more around the house with chores or parental responsibilities assess what role they are to play. If you are talking from a parent state to a child state this shows dominance and control which will create imbalance. Instead, talk from the view of adult to adult. This shows a more respectful stance which will elicit the help you need rather than bitterness and frustration.

If you are speaking from an adult state to a child state and they switch to a parental state this can cause disharmony. The key to all successful communication is to be prepared to listen, be respectful and have the ability to see the from the other persons point of view. If this becomes strained take a break, calm down and try again. Only by discussing issues and grievances can relationships be balanced and equitable leading to a joint effort towards change and improvement.

References

Lewis , T. (2023). Transactional Analysis Ego States and Transactions. YouTube. 

Murray, H. (2023). Transactional Analysis - Eric Berne. Simply Psychology.