How to respond assertively to difficult behaviour

Many people find themselves dealing with difficult behaviour from a boss, colleague or partner. This can be a common concern in the workplace, and there are several steps that can help.

It helps hugely to have confidence, as it can be hard to feel effective when we are not confident. You don’t have to feel completely confident before you speak up. Sometimes confidence develops as you practise expressing yourself more clearly and assertively.

In order to grow your courage muscles, you may need to push yourself a little outside your comfort zone. Being confident and effective can involve a combination of skill and attitude.

Flexing courage muscles is about learning new life skills, understanding your strengths and weaknesses and becoming more comfortable expressing how you feel, even when there is a possibility of disagreement.

Once you are aware of your strengths, you can use them to support your position. We can’t control how another person behaves, but we can think about how we want to respond and what boundaries we need. Courage can involve staying calm and communicating clearly when a situation feels difficult.

If difficult behaviour at work is persistent or serious, consider what formal support is available through your manager, HR team, workplace policies or another appropriate route.

Standing up for yourself in an assertive, non-aggressive way is about commanding respect and valuing yourself. Assertiveness involves recognising that your needs, boundaries and views matter while also respecting those of the other person. By growing our courage muscles and using assertive techniques, we may be able to avoid unnecessary conflict or escalation of a problem.

Phrases to help you be more assertive
Here are a few phrases you can use:

• “I find it difficult to have this conversation when I’m being spoken over. I’d like to finish what I was saying.”
• “I’m not comfortable with the way this conversation is going. Can we continue when we can speak more calmly?”
• “I need time to consider what you have just said.”
• “I’d like us to discuss this respectfully rather than speaking over or down to one another.”

Keep it simple; less is more. Be ready to anticipate difficult conversations and think about how you might respond.

You don’t need to understand or explain someone else’s behaviour before deciding that it isn’t acceptable to you.

It is about developing a sense of calm authority by valuing your strengths, building your self-esteem, taking a moment to steady yourself and thinking in advance about what you want to communicate.

Go on, flex those courage muscles.