How to avoid the comparison trap at Christmas

As much as this can be a magical time of year, the constant reminder of Christmas wherever you look can, for many of us, be overwhelming and stressful. Aside from, if we’re fortunate, looking forward to a few days off, the overemphasis on such endeavours as acquiring tasteful decorations that coordinate with our homes, creating a photogenically delicious festive meal with an inspiring matching table setting, choosing beautifully wrapped presents that will leave our family and friends gasping in delight, sporting an array of perfectly coordinated and accessorised outfits - a different look for every fun festive occasion - all to be either discussed or displayed on social media for our friends to admire how fantastic our lives are... can frankly be relentless.

OK, maybe this is a slight exaggeration. But I can’t help thinking that in this age of constant self-publication of our lives on social media, we are in fact becoming beholden to a comparison culture that can, if we’re not careful, mutate into a “green-eyed monster” mentality that ultimately leads to a worrying depletion of confidence. A confidence that actually questions whether or not our own lives are good enough.

Of course, we can’t blame this entirely on Christmas or, indeed, social media. We are brought up from a very early age to compare ourselves to our peers:

• Why do they have the latest phone when we’re stuck with someone else’s old one?
• Why are they getting A’s in maths when we’re struggling with basic algebra?
• Why are they lined up for a top university when we’ll be lucky to get onto the course we want?
• Why is the person at work up for promotion when we’re not?
• Why can’t we look like that model in a magazine?
• Why can’t we also have the perfect wedding and two gorgeous children?

And so it goes on, with teachers, parents and bosses, not to mention the media, fuelling this comparison culture that they themselves no doubt grew up in.

A little competition can be a healthy thing, in the right context. It can help provide focus and increase motivation. However, the greater our sense of being happy with ourselves, the less we are tempted into the comparison trap that, in many circumstances, seeks to undermine confidence and self-esteem.

So if you’re keen to escape the comparison culture, here’s some food for thought.

How to avoid the comparison trap

1. Make a plan that reflects you

We are all individuals with different life experiences, strengths and ways of seeing the world. Work out what you want out of life. Do some goal-setting, including some well-thought-out but practical steps of how to achieve this. Try to keep on track with this by checking in with yourself regularly, asking whether you are living a life that is true to who you are.

2. Ditch the non-supporters

As much as possible, surround yourself with positive people who support you to gain clarity and confidence with the above. Those who buy into the comparison culture are probably not best suited to this.

3. Be your own best friend

Listen to the voices inside your head and be aware of your mindset. Are there negative voices that are holding you back by letting fear of failure take hold? A few simple affirmations on a daily basis can really help to kick-start a vital change in that mindset to something more positive.

4. Switch off from social media

Do this as much as possible. Engage productively in your own life rather than worrying about how well it measures up to other people’s.

5. Keep this in mind

Comparison can be a negative, undermining thing. Don’t give it any more attention than it deserves.

And just to end with, here’s a very apt analogy that was given to me by a wise friend:

“If an athlete is running a race and decides to look at his or her competitors, surely they run the risk of falling over?”