Fear: How to manage yours

Fear is an inbuilt fight or flight mechanism in the human body - it keeps us safe. For our ancestors, responding quickly to potential danger could help them stay safe. Today, we may experience fear in situations that aren't life-threatening, such as giving a presentation, changing jobs or worrying about what other people think of us.

On the positive side, fear can encourage us to be cautious, assess risks and take steps to protect ourselves.

On the negative side, fear can sometimes hold us back. We might feel anxious, worried or overwhelmed, or avoid opportunities because we're afraid of what might happen. 

We may not always recognise when fear is influencing our choices. For example, we might avoid going out because we're worried about what people will think, stay in a job because we're uncertain whether another will be better, or turn down an opportunity because we're afraid of public speaking.

Fear can also show up as nervousness, worry or anxiety. Recognising when fear is influencing how you think or behave can be a useful first step towards deciding how you want to respond.

Fear can, for many people, become part of familiar patterns. Perhaps you think of yourself as 'a worrier', or regularly find yourself choosing the safest option. Consider whether fear is influencing your career, relationships or the opportunities you're willing to explore.

How can you manage fear?

First of all, you need to address your limiting beliefs. The best way to do this is to ask yourself the question, 'What is the worse that could happen if I went ahead and did xyz?' Think about the worst-case scenario, then ask yourself the second question, 'And then what happens?' After imagining that scenario, again 'And then what?'

Let's put these questions into a scenario. Say for example you are worried about having to do a big presentation in front of a room of people. The worst that could happen is that you can't get all the information across as you were nervous, or people didn't think the presentation was interesting. And then what? You’ve done it, next time you’ll have more confidence and improve.

Finally, what if you didn't do it? There may also be consequences to avoiding the opportunity. Considering both possibilities can help you make a decision based on what matters to you, rather than allowing fear alone to make the decision.

Here are five ways you could explore your relationship with fear:

1. Gain awareness of your fear

If you can become aware of when fear is influencing your thoughts, feelings or choices, you can begin to understand your response more clearly. 

What is triggering you? What are your limiting beliefs around this? Becoming curious about these patterns can help you consider whether they are still serving you.

2. Get out of your comfort zone

Comfort can feel reassuring, but staying within our comfort zone all the time can sometimes prevent us from exploring new opportunities.

Start with small tasks each day of doing something different, like ordering a different type of coffee or wearing a new colour. Then start to try bigger things- join a meet-up group to meet new friends, explore a new city or find a new hobby. Taking manageable steps outside your comfort zone may help you build confidence in dealing with unfamiliar situations.

3. Change your fear mindset

This is about rethinking what you think. You may have had the same beliefs for years that are no longer serving you, or behaviours that are negative that you keep doing through fear.

Tackling these beliefs often takes a third party such as a life coach or support group to see things from a different perspective. A life coach, for example, can help you explore limiting beliefs, clarify what you want and identify practical steps towards your goals.

Often, our beliefs are deeply rooted and we need to peel away them, like an onion layer until we get to the root cause of the belief. Coaching can provide a space to question assumptions, consider different perspectives and decide what actions feel right for you.

4. Relax the feeling of fear

This can be done through meditation and relaxation to manage your fear. Often something very simple such as deep breathing can help with fear, coming back to the body and out of the mind. When you are afraid you can get stressed, so anything that will help calm you down and relax is required. It could be sniffing soothing lavender, doing some yoga or listening to a relaxing song. Knowing what works for you can help your mind relax and body.

5. Visualise success

Use the power of visualisation to imagine yourself successfully facing the task that you fear. Imagine, for example, successfully giving that presentation to a packed room and the audience giving you a round of applause and being truly engaged in the information that you are giving them. Visualising positive outcomes can help build confidence and reduce anxiety.

By understanding the adaptive nature of fear and its lingering effects, we can proactively work towards overcoming fear. Employing strategies such as awareness, getting out of our comfort zone, changing the mindset, relaxing as a self-help tool, and visualising success techniques can empower you to confront and conquer your fears, leading to personal growth, enhanced well-being, and feeling amazing.

How can coaching help with fear?

Fear can sometimes stop us from pursuing opportunities, making changes or trusting our decisions. Coaching can offer a supportive space to explore what's holding you back, question limiting beliefs and consider what is within your control.

A coach can also help you clarify what you want, identify manageable next steps and build confidence as you move outside your comfort zone. The aim isn't necessarily to eliminate fear altogether, but to help you decide how you want to respond to it.

If fear or anxiety is persistent, causing significant distress or having a substantial impact on your daily life, you may want to consider speaking to your GP or an appropriate mental-health professional for support.