Do you have a thought virus?

Sometimes the way we think about ourselves or our situation can leave us feeling stuck. In coaching, these are sometimes described as limiting beliefs. One way of thinking about them is as a ‘thought virus’: an idea that can begin to influence how we see ourselves and the choices available to us.

Limiting beliefs can sometimes sound like:

• Hopelessness: a belief that your desired goal is not achievable, for example, ‘No matter what I do, it won’t make a difference.’
• Helplessness: a belief that your desired goal may be possible for others but you aren’t capable of achieving it, for example, ‘I know others can, but I could never do it.’
• Worthlessness: a belief that you don’t deserve your goal, for example, ‘I’m a fake. I don’t belong. I don’t deserve this.’

If feelings of hopelessness or worthlessness are persistent or affecting your daily life, it may be important to seek appropriate mental health support rather than treating them simply as limiting beliefs.

If you notice one of these beliefs, there are three things you can explore: challenge the limiting belief, consider what purpose it may be serving and ask the unanswered ‘how?’

Challenge the limiting belief

Challenge the limiting belief head on by verbalising it. This is about admitting you have it and getting it out in the open. For any particular area in your life where you are stuck, complete some of the following statements:

• If I get what I want then…
• The situation will never change because…
• I can’t get what I want because…
• Things will never get better because…
• I don’t deserve to get what I want because…

Now look at some of your responses to the above. Making these thoughts more visible allows you to question them rather than automatically accepting them as true.

Consider what the belief may be protecting you from

Sometimes an unhelpful belief may also feel protective. It might help us avoid uncertainty, rejection, disappointment or another experience we find difficult.

Ask yourself:

• What might this belief be protecting me from?
• What need might it be meeting?
• Is there another way I could meet that need without allowing the belief to decide for me?

Ask the unanswered ‘how?’

Many limiting beliefs can develop when, as individuals, we don’t know how to do something. Because we don’t know how, we can begin to form a belief around it. For example, if I don’t know how to change my behaviour and become overwhelmed by it, I can easily begin to believe that I can’t change it... and so why bother trying?

There can be an important difference between ‘I can’t do this’ and ‘I don’t yet know how to do this’.

Now ask yourself how you could move towards what you want while still considering the need you identified above. For example:

• How can I express how I feel while maintaining a sense of control?
• How can I do something new while still feeling safe?
• How could I approach this differently from the way I have before?

You now have a question or two to consider and do some fact-finding for. Go and find out the ‘how’. Where can you find ideas on how to achieve what you want? Who can you go and speak to? What information or support would help you understand your options?

You may not be able to switch off a limiting belief simply by deciding not to have it. But you can begin to notice when it appears, question whether it still fits your situation and explore what other possibilities might be available.