Finding strength after divorce

I am sure you have read, or are in the midst of reading, blogs and self-help books, so why is this article any different to the others?

Divorce can be devastating, and everything I write comes from the heart and a place of true experience. The questions I have been asked over the years are:

• How can one regain normality?
• Will life ever be pain-free again?
• How can I ever feel strong again?
• How can I function and get through the day?

Whether you have been betrayed or have betrayed, whether you initiated the separation or fought against it, dreams of a life have been shattered. These questions can haunt our minds, reminding us of a life once had.

Life will not be the same. Time cannot go backwards. The painful fact remains. But life can get better. Different, but better.

If we hold onto guilt, anger, pain, frustration, hatred and self-loathing, whether this is aimed at yourself or your ex-partner, these painful emotions can affect our wider life experiences. But how do you move past this?

With patience, kindness, strength and love for yourself. It’s time to look after you.

The most common response to this statement is, “I just haven’t got the strength to move past this.” You are not alone. So how do you allow these emotions to move through you without holding onto them forever?

Reflect and face the reality of your truth

Be kind and gentle to yourself. Reflection is not about replaying the hurtful emotions over and over in your mind. It’s about understanding the truth of the situation, reflecting on the facts and exploring how you can move forward.

Attaching blame to the pain you feel can become like a lead weight, holding you back and dragging you down every waking moment.

This process is not easy and certainly not painless, but what may emerge is an understanding of yourself and a small shift towards beginning to love yourself and others again.

Embrace light

There will be dark and lonely days when light and love do not enter your world. Then, for a small second, you may feel a tiny piece of joy, however brief. Embrace this moment. It may only be for a few short seconds until your mind draws you back, but this light may grow stronger with every visit. Cherish and embrace this.

This life change, whether initiated or fought against, brings a sea of difficult and painful feelings. But slowly, you may come to learn that this change creates space, and this space may allow something new to emerge.

The new you:

I am strong because I’ve been weak.
I am fearless because I’ve been afraid.
I am wise because I’ve been foolish.

These wise words are from The Shadow Effect by Deepak Chopra, Marianne Williamson and Debbie Ford.

Every day may teach you something new about yourself. The key is to be present, even within the pain, and allow your feelings to flow. Don’t be ashamed that you have just had a meltdown. Don’t beat yourself up when you feel happy for only a second, or think you should be feeling stronger. The goal is to be present and feel your emotions without holding onto them forever.

In time, this may become part of your freedom.

I am strong because I’ve been weak.
I am fearless because I’ve been afraid.
I am wise because I’ve been foolish.