Divorce: Why putting WORK into the workplace matters!

Your team members going through divorce experience loss of their relationship, but they frequently lose their identity, together with their financial stability and emotional peace. The deep and personal effect of divorce spreads across their entire wheel of life, including their workplace.

Through my experience as a divorce, domestic abuse specialist, finance coach, and professional McKenzie Friend, I have helped numerous clients manage their separation chaos. Sadly, the workplace can be invisible to their team members’ challenges. 

Divorce is classified as a life-changing experience, which ranks only below that of the death of a loved one. Interestingly, from an HR perspective, the bereavement process receives clear signals of condolence through the policy of compassionate leave, and yet divorce doesn’t receive similar acknowledgement. 

More often, it comes with an awkward or judging silence. Colleagues often assume everything is normal since work tasks continue to be completed, although perhaps with less attention to detail. 

Performance extends beyond completing work plans. A person's performance depends on their ability to stay present, engaged, and focused while maintaining mental wellness. Line managers, along with team leaders and colleagues, must provide their support to employees during this life-changing period because it remains essential for their well-being and the retention of the staff member.

Research reveals the comprehensive consequences that breakups and divorces have on the workplace. It can result in decreased employee productivity, an increased need for unpaid sick leave, legal assistance, and emotional support, ultimately affecting employee retention.

Organisations can address these unfavourable statistics by implementing some of the practical measures outlined in The Workplace and Well-being Index.

For simplicity, I’ve put together a four-step guide that you can use now to help perhaps yourself, your colleagues, and organisations. This is a practical framework that supports the workplace for colleagues who may be experiencing emotional and performance crises to receive compassionate support. 

W is for Wisdom

Wisdom begins with knowing what’s yours to hold and what isn’t.

In the workplace, it can be tempting to ask questions under the guise of concern. “What happened?” “Was it your decision?” “What about the kids?” But personal questions don’t always mean appropriate questions. 

Wisdom means enabling someone to share what they want, when they want to. Divorce is a layered sandwich, with shame, guilt, fear, and vulnerability. It’s important to give your colleagues the space to share their story when the time is right for them in a safe space. 

The workplace requires that employers protect their colleagues' confidentiality and avoid sharing information through office gossip and prevent the spread of news through informal channels, the office grapevine. It’s about keeping workplace boundaries in check and discussions focused on work-related topics.

If you, yourself, are a manager or supervisor, then check in gently with your team member. The simplest way to show support is through a statement like, “You are going through a tough time at present; I’m here for you if you need to chat about how we can support you.” This one sentence goes a long way.

O is for Obligation

Life doesn’t stop because your marriage does.

Staff members who are dealing with divorce experience present sudden changes in their practical and emotional requirements. Their situation may require court hearings, meetings with solicitors, as well as mediation sessions. These necessary demands could impact working hours.  

Employers who recognise these new challenges need to be compassionate about their colleagues’ situation, even temporarily. Flexible work arrangements and workload or task adjustments alongside appropriate scheduling of meetings will help employees feel supported in their workplace environment, because you’re coming from a place of understanding and appreciation. 

Your organisation could evaluate its current well-being framework and policies to add personal support, which includes divorce assistance. Perhaps you could consider setting up a staff member focus group to aid understanding and explore the right type of approach from lived experience. 

R is for Resources

The right resources can mean the difference between just surviving at work and feeling supported there.

Often, people don’t know where to turn when they’re in the thick of it. Divorce is a unique and bespoke process based on needs and emotions. So, a gentle nudge by a compassionate colleague in the right direction can make a world of difference.

• Does your organisation offer an Employee Assistance Programme (EAP) to support staff?
• Does your organisation have a well-being lead who oversees employee wellness programmes (occupational health, mental health support)? 
• Or do you require something else? 

Signposting team members to expert help enables them to know, as a line manager or colleague, that they are not alone in their situation. You’re there and listening. 

K is for Kindness

Kindness is the glue that holds it all together.

Workplaces that prioritise performance and outputs instead of employee wellbeing commonly lose sight of the emotional experiences their employees may be living through. Your team members will benefit from genuine kindness through listening, support, and flexible work arrangements, as well as words of encouragement to build their psychological safety net.

The practice of being kind involves providing support and everyday strategies to manage a smorgasbord of aspects. A team member living through the second most challenging life experience requires space and time. Relationship problems do not stay at the threshold of the home, they come to work in our minds, in our moods, and in our inboxes. 

During their most challenging hours, for your colleagues to receive the message that they are important to the organisation is of huge value. It demonstrates a caring organisation. 

Putting the WORK in WORKplace

Workplaces operate or vibrate at the same level as their employees. The implementation of wisdom together with obligation-awareness, resource-sharing, and kindness in your corporate culture enables you to create space for being compassionate and efficiencies that go beyond heartbreak. Employees who receive support tend to be committed to the organisation. This deepens their involvement and contributions, which go on to lead to better team loyalty and sustainable retention.

When a team member informs you about their divorce situation, avoid immediate panic. Don’t withdraw. Don’t assume. It’s simple - remember the WORK acronym.

My final thoughts: 

• Your team member deserves your respect for their personal story.
• Understand the challenges they currently face because of their relationship situation.
• Signpost them to available resources for support.
• Show kindness to enable them to have a sense of humanity.

The world keeps spinning when a colleague's own world feels like it’s ended. Your workplace can function as a foundation for healing and recovery when you provide appropriate support to your team members.