The challenges of growing up as an Indian woman in the UK

As an Indian woman born and raised in the UK by parents from the subcontinent, I have faced the challenges of reconciling my Indian culture with life in the UK in two important respects - independence and relationships.

Of course, there is no single Indian or British Indian experience, and attitudes can vary considerably between families, communities and generations.

Independence

Choosing independence and living life on your own terms can bring challenges, particularly when your choices differ from the expectations of those around you.

In some more traditional Indian families, the idea that a daughter might choose independence over marriage can be difficult to accept. Attitudes within British Indian families have also continued to evolve, although experiences vary considerably. Today, an Indian woman choosing to live on her own before marriage may find her decision more accepted in some families and communities than others.

Choosing to be independent can be empowering as it gives us the freedom to live our lives by our own rules. It allows us to break away from the cultural pressures of finding a suitable life partner and settling down into married life. This may be particularly important for women who want to focus on their careers, travel or follow other plans, and who may choose to marry later in life - if they choose to get married at all.

There are also issues for the Indian woman who wishes to leave her family home after she has finished her studies and to go out into the world independently. For some young British Indian women, university may be their first experience of living away from the family home and sharing accommodation with people from different backgrounds. This can introduce them to the experience of living independently.

In some families or communities, there may still be stigma attached to a young unmarried woman living away from home, and this can sometimes encourage gossip within the wider community. Her family may be concerned that her marriage prospects will be harmed by the experience.

As a result, some Indian families find it difficult to accept their daughter leaving home and choosing to be independent, even if she has a good job and is sharing a flat with friends or living alone. This can be felt even more if she leaves to move in with a partner before marriage; not only may her family have to deal with their own concerns, but they may also feel pressure from their wider community and its sometimes hurtful comments.

Relationships

Some British Indian women may experience expectations around marrying within their culture, religion or caste. This can work well if they are introduced or meet through friends and get to know each other before they marry. Where a couple has had relatively little opportunity to get to know each other before marriage, they may find themselves learning much more about one another once they begin married life.

These days, some young British Indian women may want the freedom to date, choose whom they marry, live with a partner before marriage, or decide not to marry at all. This can result in tensions within the family even if the partner is Indian.

Intercultural or interfaith relationships may also bring additional family or cultural considerations for some couples.

Life coaching

A young Indian woman faced with some of the challenges I have described above will not necessarily feel able to turn to relatives for help and advice - particularly if her own mother or female relations have followed a more traditional path. She may then find herself navigating what, for her family, are uncharted waters.

Not only may she have to deal with resistance from her family, but she may also be trying to navigate expectations from different parts of her identity, family and wider community without knowing what choice feels right for her.

If you find yourself in a similar situation, a coach can provide a confidential space to explore what you want, the pressures you're experiencing and how you might communicate your choices and boundaries.