Small steps towards creating the life you want

It's so easy to rumble on, not feeling quite right, not getting what you want. Months and years roll by, and suddenly you realise this isn’t where you want to be. Sound familiar? If this applies to you, then its time to take a stand and make a change! Read on for some tips on how to create the life you’ll love.

How to create the life you want

Knowing what you don’t want isn’t the same as knowing what you do want.

I always ask clients at the start of their journey what they want to get out of coaching. So often, they reel off a comprehensive list of what they don’t want. I nod and acknowledge their thoughts, then ask them again: what is it they actually want? That’s when a different conversation can begin.

We are so used to focusing on what we don’t want, what doesn’t work and what we want to avoid that we can forget to notice what we do want in our lives. Once we begin to identify what we want, we can start putting together a plan for moving towards it. We may begin to see opportunities, notice what we can change and share our hopes for the future with others. Considering a positive way forward can be the first step towards creating change.

Daily habits for happiness

Along the way, we can make things easier for ourselves by mindfully building small, helpful habits into our daily lives. This might be a 10-minute walk timetabled into the day, reading poetry you find calming, practising meditation or yoga, switching off technology half an hour before bed or keeping the space in which you sleep and wake tidy.

Anything we can realistically implement, however small, that helps us feel better or more relaxed may be beneficial. Repeated small actions can support our wellbeing and help us feel better placed to move forward, although different habits will work for different people. Write a list of the things you could do and choose those you think will benefit you most.

What’s stopping you?

There are many reasons people may not be getting what they want. Money, time, health and energy can all be genuine barriers. Sometimes, however, an assumption or belief may also be holding us back. We might believe we are not capable, that change is not available to us or that we need to wait for the perfect time before starting.

Getting started can be important. Once we have taken a manageable first step, we may find ways to raise the money, free up some time or use our energy differently. However, this will not remove every practical barrier, and it is important to be realistic and compassionate with ourselves.

At a quiet time, you might ask yourself: “What exactly is stopping me from finding or moving towards what I want?” An answer may come in words, pictures or feelings, or it may not come immediately. Try to consider where your thoughts may have come from and whether they remain accurate or helpful.

A coach may be able to help you explore your assumptions, options and possible next steps. If the difficulty is connected to persistent low mood, anxiety, trauma or another mental health concern, support from a GP or qualified mental health professional may be more appropriate.

What fulfils you and what drains you?

We all have things we feel we “have” to do out of necessity rather than choice. We also have things we love doing that put a spring in our step. It can be easy, perhaps out of a sense of duty, to take on more of the former and less of the latter. We may even feel guilty about planning to do something we love.

The thing is, we need balance. We need to find a level where we experience enough fulfilment alongside the things that drain us. Otherwise, we may become exhausted or overwhelmed and find it harder to support ourselves or other people.

Write a list of the things you do that feel draining. Put them in order according to how much energy they require. Starting with one of the easier ones, ask yourself whether there is a less draining way of achieving the same outcome. You might do it differently, ask someone else to help or realise that it does not need to be done by you at all.

As you get the hang of it, move on to the bigger things and consider whether there is a way to lessen the burden. Watch out for feelings of guilt getting in your way, while recognising that some responsibilities cannot simply be removed.

Then, write a list of the things that give you energy. Consider how you might incorporate more of them into your life so that you can create a better balance. This can help you develop a clearer picture of your life and may be particularly useful if you feel overwhelmed or stressed. Sometimes, we don’t realise how much we take on.

Create your future by taking one small step

What can you do today to begin creating your future? Choose one manageable action and do it. It might be booking the yoga class you’ve been considering, enquiring about a course you’ve always wanted to take, buying and reading a book about somewhere you want to visit, arranging a conversation with a coach or catching up with a friend to talk about your ideas and where you want to go next.

Whatever it is, that one small change can be the start of your journey. What we do today can influence our tomorrow, so make one small action count.

Sometimes, the idea of getting or even knowing what we want can feel overwhelming. It doesn’t have to be resolved all at once. Instead of avoiding thoughts about your future, give yourself permission to explore them gradually. A coach may be able to help you clarify your direction and identify realistic next steps.

When you look back, today could be the day you decided to begin moving towards more of the life you want.