Building self-confidence through whole person wellness

“Trust yourself. Create the kind of self that you will be happy to live with all your life. Make the most of yourself by fanning the tiny, inner sparks of possibility into flames of achievement.” - Golda Meir

Building self-confidence isn't necessarily about becoming more outgoing or never doubting yourself. It can be about understanding yourself better, trusting your decisions and feeling able to take action even when something feels challenging. Here, we'll explore how looking at your well-being as a whole can help you identify where your confidence could use some support and the small steps you can take to strengthen it.

What is self-confidence?

Self-confidence is something we all want more of! It has a profound influence on the quality of day-to-day life. In the wellness inventory system, it’s represented by the dimension of self-responsibility and love, which underpins all the other aspects of wellness.

Oxford Dictionaries defines self-confidence as "a feeling of trust in one's abilities, qualities, and judgment".

In day-to-day life it includes knowing yourself, following your own path, making prompt decisions, trusting your judgement, taking positive action and accessing your calm centre. These qualities need to be cultivated from the inside, rather than relying on external validation.

Why is self-confidence important?

You level of self-confidence can influence your feelings, thinking habits, and the way you communicate with yourself and others. A high level of self-confidence brings courage, self-belief and a successful life (on both the inside and outside).

Where does self-confidence come from?

Self-confidence is a set of attitudes, skills and behaviours that can be cultivated by all of us. It means developing a positive, loving and compassionate relationship with yourself, combined with a willingness to climb into the driving seat and take control of your life. We all start from a different place, but the important thing is to be willing to work at it from where you are now.  

How can whole person wellness help to build self-confidence?

Whilst the challenges, obstacles and unpredictability of life can challenge self-confidence, they also reveal areas of potential growth. For example, the disagreement with your boss might show up your own lack of clear priorities, boundaries or unwillingness to say what you really think.

The wellness inventory provides a helpful frame of reference, dividing the human operating system up into 12 dimensions. 

The 12 dimensions of your wellness inventory

self-responsibility and love, breathing, sensing, eating, moving feeling, thinking, playing and working, communicating, intimacy, finding meaning and transcending. 

You don't necessarily need to work on every dimension at once. Instead, consider where a lack of confidence tends to show up most often in your life. 

For example, if you find it difficult to express your needs or say no to other people, you might focus on communication and explore how you could practise being more assertive. If you regularly doubt your decisions, looking at your priorities and what matters most to you may help you feel more confident about the choices you make.

The aim isn't to become confident in every area overnight. It's to notice where you would like things to change and identify manageable steps you can take.

How do you build self-confidence over time?

The process of building self-confidence must be integrated into your daily life as an ongoing commitment. The fire needs to be regularly stoked to keep it burning, which means taking action on a daily basis. Small, regular and achievable actions are the way forward to create bigger changes in your life.

Some coaching ideas for building self-confidence:

• Observing your thoughts about yourself. Pay attention to your inner dialogue, particularly when something goes wrong. Would you speak to someone you care about in the same way?
• Replacing negative thoughts with positive ones. If you find yourself thinking, "I can't do this", consider what evidence you have for that belief and whether there is another way to look at the situation.
• A daily acknowledgement. This could be something you handled well, a decision you made or simply something you are proud of yourself for doing.
• Doing something you enjoy weekly. Regularly doing activities that matter to you can help you reconnect with your interests, strengths and sense of self.
• Undertaking a challenge. Confidence can grow through experience. Choose something slightly outside your comfort zone rather than something overwhelming, and recognise the progress you make.
• Find a self-confidence buddy. Consider sharing a goal with someone supportive. You could encourage each other, talk about setbacks and celebrate progress.

Talk to yourself like you would to someone you love.

Brene Brown

I wish you well on your journey to greater self-confidence!

Building self-confidence takes time, and you don't have to work through every challenge by yourself. If low confidence is holding you back from making decisions, setting boundaries or pursuing something that's important to you, working with a coach can give you space to explore what's getting in the way and identify steps that feel achievable.