How to manage perfectionism

Do you find that you set extremely high standards, struggle to recognise when something is good enough, or become very self-critical when you make mistakes?

All these things can be signs of being a perfectionist.

Are you a perfectionist?

“So what?” I hear you ask - what's the problem with being a perfectionist? Shouldn't we all strive to be the best we can be at any point?

Of course, we should strive and we should push ourselves to do well and have as good an outcome as possible for the situation we are in. None of these things is perfectionism though.

Perfectionism is about setting standards for oneself and others so high that they become a burden to meet. It's also about a difficulty accepting anything short of perceived and preset standards of perfection.

Why is being a perfectionist a problem?

Perfectionism, when experiences all the time can lead to issues such as stress, due to the associated pressure to meet certain standards. If you are constantly striving for perfection, long working hours are also likely, contributing to tiredness and fatigue. 

In some cases, it can also mean that you are not so good at social interaction as you may need to be the perfect friend or colleague, and you expect those you interact with to be perfect too. This can contribute to loneliness and lifestyle dissatisfaction over time. 

It can also lead to a loss of self-esteem. What happens when someone points out that you have done something wrong, therefore, you feel that you are not good enough and have not achieved the perfection you strived for? 

All of these things can have a strong impact on your wider well-being.

What can you do to change it?

1. Take small steps away from control

Look at your life, whether that is at work or at home, and decide what you might be able to let go of.

Is there something you could get someone else to do and - regardless of the outcome - feel somewhat of a relief? This could be anything from picking up the shopping to handing on a project, or emptying the dishwasher. 

It doesn't have to be big - just something that you usually do, and have preset standards for. 

2. Notice your self-criticism

Start to notice when you are being overly self-critical.

Look around and see that the reason you are being so critical is because of the standards you have set yourself - not what other people expect of you. 

When something doesn't go perfectly, notice what you can learn from it rather than immediately criticising yourself.

3. Find places to gain self-worth

Listen out for compliments. You will likely be receiving them already but you may not hear them, as your inner critic (who will always be reminding you that it “really wasn't good enough”) will be drowning them out.

Go back and review what has happened over the last year and celebrate the events that in your eyes weren't perfect, but you got praise and recognition for from others.

A life coach can help you reset your expectations and gain a sense of clarity. Contact a coach today to find out more about how they can support you.