How to be more assertive and communicate with confidence

How do you express yourself?

Do you go from mute to brute?

Do you sometimes say the wrong word at the wrong time, say nothing when you wish you had said something, or say yes when you meant no?

What does it mean to be assertive?

By being more assertive and communicating better, you can increase confidence and self-esteem whilst earning the respect of others.

Whether it’s colleagues, your boss, your friends or your partner, you need to speak in a way that is clear and respectful at the same time.

You can speak powerfully without being overpowering. You can ask for what you want without creating resentment or rubbing someone up the wrong way.

It isn’t about being right, it’s about being effective.

Being more assertive doesn’t mean being aggressive, confrontational or being sarcastic.

Learn the difference between discernment and judgement. If you feel emotionally charged and what you want to say carries a risk, pause for a while/a few hours before saying anything. You could also try release tactics, like writing an email addressed to them and send it to yourself, then delete it. That can help diffuse resentment or irritation.

Words that may weaken your message

Ofcourse it depends on the scenario, but you may dilute your message and weaken your requests and statements when you say:

“I’m wondering if...”

“Sorry to trouble you...”

“I could be wrong but...”

“You may not agree, but...”

“Does that make sense?”

“I’m not very good at...”

It's unlikely that others will take you seriously if you are not taking yourself seriously.

So many people are unaware that their words communicate thoughts, not feelings. By expressing thoughts as feelings, it can confuse people. However, when you express the specific feelings behind the thoughts, what you say becomes more powerful.

Phrases you could use to better communicate

“Thanks for sharing your opinion, but I have a different perspective.”

“Would it make a difference if...?”

“I need an extension for this project. How can we make this happen?”

“It’s not my intention to offend you.”

“Help me understand how you see it that way.”

Being more assertive will not resolve all your issues, but changing the words and phrases you use, and having the courage to speak up, can make a huge difference.

You can do it - make it happen.

Why? It’s your time to shine.

If you’d like support building your confidence, communicating more assertively or setting clearer boundaries, a life coach can help you explore what’s holding you back and find an approach that works for you.