Anxieties of being a first-time parent

It’s life changing!

As a 44 year-old mother of two, Maria, age 11 and Ben, Age 14, I had forgotten what being a new mum was like until last week. I was visiting my friend who had just had her first child, a gorgeous little boy.

Her living room was full of gadgets, a musical swing, a vibrating chair, a singing mat and all because the poor little man has reflux and never settles during the day. My friend looked great on three hours sleep and seemed really chilled with being a new mum. She had even got a white noise app for her phone which helped her boy sleep and said she had learned to zone out from the crying.

She then stopped mid sentence with a new realisation and said “It’s life changing Wendy, I mean really life changing!” and we both laughed at the enormity of what she had said.

I don’t think anyone or anything can fully prepare you for becoming a first-time parent. All the books and discussions prior to birth merely gives you knowledge but nowhere near prepares you for the responsibility and the unconditional love you feel.

I am writing this piece with hindsight, in the hope that if you are a first-time parent or have young children, you might relate to some of the things I am saying and find some of these ideas helpful.

As a life coach I spend a lot of time helping clients decide on what direction to take in their life, they are desperate to change but don't know how or which way to go. They also say they wish they had enjoyed the time more when the children were young, instead of being anxious and worrying a lot of the time.

So I have put together a list of tips that may just help reduce the anxiety of being a new mum.

Tips for first-time parents feeling anxious

• Try not to compare your child to anyone else. Your baby is one of a kind and will reach milestones in their own time.
• Do what you feel is right for your baby. Listen to advice, while remembering that you know your own circumstances.
• Let someone else take over when they offer, and rest when you can.
• Try to be tolerant of your family and in-laws and communicate what feels right for you and your baby.
• Remember that the sleepless nights and difficult days won't last forever.
• Keep some part of the old you, whether that’s a hobby, seeing friends or enjoying a night out.
• Have some time away from your baby if and when you feel ready. Plan it and give yourself permission to enjoy it.
• If you're parenting with someone else, remember they may do things differently from you.
• Make some time for you as a couple if you have a partner. Staying connected can be valuable as you adjust to family life.
• See the funny side of parenthood: the bags under your eyes, the sick-stained best dress and being late everywhere. Sometimes it helps to laugh.
• Give yourself space to express how you're feeling rather than bottling everything up.
  Share with others how you feel.
• Look after yourself. Eat well and, when you feel able, find ways to move your body that you enjoy.
• Remember that other parents may make different choices from you. Try not to put pressure on yourself to be the ‘perfect’ parent.

Adjusting to life as a new parent

Motherhood is life changing. With its huge ups and downs it is the hardest job in the world. But it is the most rewarding and special too. Both my two will be at high school soon and in contrast to when mine were babies, I am desperately wishing time would slow down. University and empty nest syndrome looms.

I am definitely trying to mindfully enjoy the now as much as I can.

For first-time parents, adjusting to such a big change can take time. If anxiety, self-doubt or worries about getting things ‘right’ are making it difficult to enjoy this stage of your life, talking things through with someone may help you gain perspective and find an approach that feels right for you.