More than a mum: one woman's empty nest journey

She was strolling around the supermarket one day. Nothing unusual about that. But that day, seeing the Coco Pops in the cereal aisle made her pause and remember what the weekly shop used to be like. 

Usually it was a rush round the aisles, toddler in hand, and a dash home in time for her older child coming home from school. And that memory was enough to bring her to tears. She took a breath and looked around her. As she walked towards the checkout, she realised that she had begun to feel, not depressed exactly, but flat.

Karen was a mother in her early fifties when she came to coaching. Her second child had recently moved to another city to start university, and her father had passed away six months earlier. On top of that, her hormones were out of balance. Everything was changing. She felt she was losing control of her life. She felt emotionally overwhelmed, and she was struggling to accept this new phase of her life.

Karen had spent the last twenty years with motherhood at the centre of her identity, a role she deeply valued. She was a warm and capable woman, and her family and friends could always count on her support. Being there for them gave her life meaning, but she had difficulty in setting boundaries and often felt exhausted.

Facing a new chapter in life

For the last ten years she had been working in a part-time role as a teaching assistant, but if she was honest with herself, she had probably stayed in her job far too long. She loved helping the children learn and develop and had a good relationship with her colleagues. Still, she knew she wanted something different, but wasn’t exactly sure what that was yet. “Where do I start?” She wondered.

Her husband was supportive, but his way of coping with their empty nest was to throw himself into his work. She leaned on her friends, especially one close friend who knew exactly what she was going through. She, too, was navigating an empty nest. 

Reflecting on that tearful episode in the supermarket, she decided she would take her friend’s advice and find the right life coach to work with; someone who could help her find herself again. She wanted to reignite her joy of living, her motivation, her purpose and self-confidence.

Finding support

Feeling a little nervous excitement, she connected with her chosen coach on a video call. The call went well, and after speaking with a few more coaches, she knew she had found the right one; she felt comfortable, understood, and heard.

The first session felt a little vulnerable. Being asked simply, “What do you want your life to look like?“ was harder to answer than she’d expected. But within a few weeks, she felt safe enough to open up, and that was when the real work began.

It wasn’t always easy. There were sessions where she wasn’t sure that anything was shifting. There were times when old patterns of thinking made her doubt herself. But gradually, in time, things started to change. She spoke to herself more kindly, made more intentional choices, and checking in with her own needs became second nature.

Karen discovered the importance of taking care of her own needs and that putting herself first sometimes wasn't selfish. This wasn’t something she was familiar with. She had always put everyone else’s needs first, trying to be everything to everyone.

She began with prioritising some exercise each day; sometimes that was a walk to work or a class at the local gym. On weekends she walked with her husband and their dog in nature. She also improved her sleep by going to bed at a regular and earlier time. She replaced chocolate with fresh fruit and yoghurt. Small changes but big impact. Within a few weeks, she felt more energetic.

For the first time in years, she began to ask herself what she actually enjoyed doing. What lit her up and got her excited? She took some steps to find this out. She visited an art exhibition, tried a local Pilates class, and started treating herself to small things like a manicure or a monthly massage.

Rebuilding confidence and finding purpose

Over time, she built on this renewed self-confidence and started trusting herself to make choices that aligned with her values. She no longer second-guessed herself and knew what was truly important to her.

And today? Karen is feeling happy. She feels deeply connected in her close relationships, more at peace, and more balanced than ever before. She now has a sure sense of what she wants in her life and the confidence to go for that.

She is planning to leave her job and return to yoga practice to develop her certification from many years ago. She has rediscovered her confidence and joy of living, and found a newfound purpose through teaching yoga to others.

If Karen’s story has stirred something in you, perhaps that’s worth listening to. Getting in touch costs nothing, and it might be the start of your own journey back to yourself.