4 self-doubts that can hold you back

Self-doubt is the thoughts and voices in your head that stop you from trying something new, knock down your self-esteem and confidence, and make you feel unworthy.

These negative thoughts can make you feel like you’re the only person who has self-doubt and that the people around you are confidently getting on with their lives.

In my experience, that really is not true. Self-doubt is a common experience, and many of us struggle with it at some point. The difference is whether you let your inner critic stop you believing in yourself or you decide to go for it anyway.

I have found that there are four particularly common self-doubts held by people. Doubts which you may need to challenge to feel more confident and happy.

1. I’m not good enough

A different perspective: Your worth doesn't have to depend on what you achieve or have.

Yes, you could be healthier, more confident, earn more, have a bigger house or more friends, but is that going to make you happier?

At our core, we are all good enough, and learning to accept yourself as you are can be an important part of feeling more content. Instead of chasing after the next success and expecting it to make you feel fulfilled, love yourself as you are now.

That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have goals, just that knowing you are OK today is more important.

2. I’m stupid

Challenge it: What evidence do you have that this belief is accurate?

For some people, beliefs about their intelligence may be influenced by experiences growing up, perhaps following comments from other children, teachers or family members.

I have found that when I challenge clients to find evidence that contradicts this doubt, they can often identify examples, and then we can work on replacing that belief with something more realistic.

If this is something your inner critic says, then have a go at looking for evidence that contradicts the words.

3. Other people will laugh at me or reject me

A different perspective: Other people may be paying less attention to you than you imagine.

We all know logically that we shouldn’t worry about what other people think about us; however, it is quite natural to have those thoughts. Wanting to feel accepted and to belong is a common human experience.

If you are finding that this worry is having a crippling effect on your life and stopping you from feeling comfortable in yourself, then it’s important to challenge it.

It’s worth remembering that other people are often thinking about their own words, feelings and concerns rather than scrutinising everything we do.

If you worry what others think when you are making conversation, one tip is to really focus on them and be present in listening to what they say and asking questions. This level of interest can help you connect with them and take some of the focus away from worrying about how you are coming across.

Another tip is to remember that you can’t get on with everyone. What might happen if you simply didn’t hit it off with a new acquaintance?

4. I’m not important enough

A different perspective: Your importance and worth aren't determined by how other people treat you.

This self-doubt is often expanded into “I’m not important enough to be”:

• loved
• treated with respect
• listened to.

Whichever version you have, then try challenging this thought by considering the evidence that contradicts it, including the people who value, respect and care about you. Again, it is about you as a person and not what you have or what you do.

Your self-doubts don’t have to determine what you do. Learning to notice, question and respond differently to them can help you move towards your goals with greater confidence.