Building RESILIENCE: 10 ways to respond to setbacks

We wouldn’t be human if we were not affected in one way or the other by our setbacks. Being able to adapt to challenges, cope with adversity and recover from difficulties is a skill many of us wish to have. Here are some tips to help you build your RESILIENCE.

R – Reflect

Reflect on your performance objectively. What worked? What went wrong? What needs improving? If you could do it again, what would you do differently?

Setbacks can feel personal, so taking an observer’s perspective may help you consider what happened more objectively, while still acknowledging how the setback made you feel.

E – End goal

Keep your eyes on the prize and keep going. Don’t lose sight of your goal and what matters to you. Keeping sight of why your goal matters can help you maintain motivation when things get difficult.

Many successful people have experienced setbacks before accomplishing their goals. What can help is finding ways to respond to obstacles and learning when to keep going, adapt or try a different approach.

Knowing what it is you aspire to achieve and why it matters to you can help you carry on when things get tough.

S – Strengths

When things are not going our way, it is easy to concentrate on negatives and our weaknesses. In those moments arises the perfect opportunity to remind yourself about your strengths and triumphs and acknowledge your progress, however small it may be.

Draw on your strong points, be kind to yourself, challenge your negative thinking and remember that if you have been resourceful before, you have it in you to be resourceful again.

I – Internal dialogue

What do you say to yourself when you don’t succeed or get rejected? Is your language positive and encouraging or negative, unhelpful and demotivating?

The language and words you use can influence how you feel and respond, so pay attention to your language and choose your words wisely.

L – Learning

What did you learn from the experience that you can use in the future? How can you use this knowledge to your advantage?

Life throws lessons at us every day, and sometimes the more we know, the more we realise how little we know, which can be overwhelming. Learning never ends.

I – Interrupt the negative cycle

How we interpret a situation can influence the stress and worry we experience, alongside the circumstances themselves. How you respond can influence what you take from the experience and what you do next.

Let’s say you don’t get the job you interviewed for. If you respond by thinking you failed, you are not good enough, the way you feel may be negative and hinder your confidence.

If, however, you decide to respond more rationally by saying, for example, that although you were not successful, having an interview was good practice so you will be better prepared in the future, or that there might have been other more experienced candidates, the way you feel about the situation may be less negative than in the first scenario.

In order to get out of the negative cycle, something needs to change; the cycle needs to be broken. Build awareness of your beliefs about a situation, because they can influence your actions and responses.

E – Expectations

Are your expectations realistic? What are the gaps (in your knowledge, experience, etc.) you need to address? What or who is preventing you from achieving your goal?

Realistic expectations can help you plan achievable steps and maintain confidence and motivation as you take action.

N – Network of people
Think about the people around you. Who supports and encourages you, and which relationships tend to leave you feeling depleted? Who in your circle of acquaintances do you respect and would like to learn from?

Where possible, surround yourself with people who support you and have a positive impact on you. Having someone you can bounce ideas off and someone you can talk to can really help when you feel down.

C – Count your blessings

Count your blessings and practise gratitude.

Even during difficult periods, it can sometimes help to notice the things, people or experiences you still value. Practising gratitude doesn’t mean dismissing what you’re going through; it simply allows you to make room for what’s supportive or meaningful too.

E – Evaluate

Thinking about all the above tips, as well as your own ideas, ask yourself:

If you were going to do one thing that would help you feel better about your situation, what would it be?

What would you do if you knew you could not fail?