The guide to sabotaging self-love

Why would anyone consciously choose to not love themselves you might be wondering? Good question. Yet, it’s a choice people continue to make on a daily basis.


Perhaps because the path towards self-acceptance is hard. It requires digging deep to uncover hard truths and sitting in that discomfort. It takes time to interrupt old, sabotaging habits and learn the ways of compassion, forgiveness and love. 

Maybe the path of not loving yourself is easier. 

So here we go, a blueprint to not loving yourself in 10 simple steps. And if by chance you’re reading this wanting to learn how to appreciate yourself more of the time, this is a great read on what not to do!

Not loving yourself in 10 simple steps

Don’t care about your health

Ever heard the saying your body is a temple? Well, it actually takes a huge amount of time, effort, energy and sacrifice. Skip the hardship and eat what you like, work out hard, party harder, stay up late, and drink until you puke. Feeling sluggish, foggy minded with acne breakouts is a surefire way to not like yourself very much.

Ignore your needs

In order to really dislike yourself, you’ve got to forget about what you want or need. Work longer hours, never take anytime off, don’t even think about prioritising rest, and say yes to everything! As you continue honouring this step you’ll find yourself moving towards burnout which is a really great place for self-haters to be.

Listen to your inner critic

You know how there is that voice inside your head who says things like “you’re a total waste of space,” or “you’re a terrible friend” - well, listen to that voice. Turn the voice up as loud as it will go and believe everything it says. And the voice who celebrates you? Put her on mute - she’ll only encourage you to love yourself!

Spend time with toxic people

It’s often said that you are a reflection of the people you surround yourself with the most. So gather around the narcissists and the pessimists. Spend some more time with people who manipulate or enjoy controlling you. And don’t forget about the energy drainers and the ones who love to criticise you. 

You cannot expect to live a positive life if you hang with negative people.

– Joel Osteen

Focus on the negatives

This one is easy peasy! Humans are designed to focus on the negatives, on what’s wrong or lacking. Consciously spend time thinking about the worst-case scenario. And if you really want to nail this one down, start an un-gratitude journal and list as many negative things from the day as you can.

Be someone else

Why be you, when you could be someone else? Stock up on all the masks so that you fit in wherever you go. Change your clothes, your hair, your opinions, and your identity. It doesn’t matter if you don’t agree or are just going along because everyone else is - the important thing is you’re not letting anyone see the real you.

Live life according to everyone else’s rulebook

Why make your own rules when living life according to someone else’s is way easier? Listen to what everyone else tells you that you should or ought to do.

Please everyone, all of the time

It matters what other people think, so never do anything that might cause any friction. Go to your friends' choir recital even though you're exhausted, stay late at work even though you’re not being paid enough for all the overtime, and eat a meat lasagne even though you’re a vegetarian. Do this and trust me, you won’t love your life.

Reflect on your past mistakes daily

Move over learning from your mistakes - this is all about wallowing in your failures and your regrets. Put on your most negative lenses and pull apart each decision you came to, analyse every choice you made, pour over all your past relationships and you’ll come away with such a powerful dislike for yourself.

Always compare yourself

Teddy Roosevelt once said, “Comparison is the thief of all joy,” and self-hatred isn’t too far behind, so be sure to get your daily (even hourly?) dose of comparison in. Social media is such a great place to hang out and see how perfect everyone else’s life is and how yours pails in comparison.

Strive for perfection

Striving for perfection is guaranteed to keep you on a path of misery and self-loathing. Set yourself the highest of expectations and focus on being the best at everything you do. If you fail in this quest for perfection, make sure you criticise yourself for being a flawed human being. Never accept anything less than perfect!

Never show weakness

Being vulnerable and authentic are pillars on the pathway to self-love, so you’re going to want to follow this rule carefully. Showing your weakness is a sign of accepting yourself, the good and the bad. Never reveal anything too personal, keep the illusion of your perfect life and watch it erode any feelings happiness.

Reject all compliments

Beware - compliments can make us feel good about ourselves so this is a dangerous trap to fall into! Make sure you ignore any positive comments that are given to you or play it down as much as possible. Add some of your faults to explain why this isn’t true or shift it onto them. Never, ever say thank you!

Tell yourself that you’re not enough every day

This is like the anti-affirmation. Pick your favourite negative phrases (the inner critic will be able to help you here) and repeat them daily. I’m talking phrases like “you’re ugly”, “you’re a loser”, “you’re worthless” on loop all day. This will ensure you rewire your brain for total self-loathing. 

Why would anyone choose not to love themselves?

You asked why anyone would choose to not love themselves. The truth is, it’s not a conscious decision. It’s deeper than that. It stems back to what a person believes they are worth. And for many people, the belief is they have to earn love, they have to prove to others that they are deserving of it. 

If you’re ready to create a life where you truly believe that you are enough just as you are, a life in which you trust yourself to show up authentically without fear of judgement then let’s chat. Book your free discovery call today.

The views expressed in this article are those of the author. All articles published on Life Coach Directory are reviewed by our editorial team.

Share this article with a friend
London SW6 & Lymington SO41
Written by Alexandra Taylor, Holistic Life & Mindset Coach for Women
London SW6 & Lymington SO41

Alexandra, is an experienced Integrative Coach supporting her clients in overcoming their inner critic and reaching their full potential. She helps people to make the changes that they wish to make so that they can lead happier, healthier and more balanced lives.

Show comments

Find a coach dealing with Personal development

All coaches are verified professionals

All coaches are verified professionals