Is your relationship failing?

Do you feel like your relationship is failing? Or, perhaps you're just getting by and hoping that things will get better "someday down the road"?

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When we are in a long-term relationship many of us are guilty of letting our relationship just go along without paying it very much attention. We get swept away by the day-to-day responsibilities that we have and hope, or even assume, that our relationship will be ok. Oftentimes we don't even know that we are doing this until we realise that things are not going very well. Maybe you, or your partner, become aware that you are not very happy within your relationship.

What we focus on in life tends to be what is working well. Without us focusing on our relationships, we are in danger of them suffering. When you focus your attention, time and energy on your health, your wealth, your business, social life etc. they are what we see are working well in our lives.

I've talked about focus a lot here. The explanation is that maintaining our attention on what we want is crucial to how we live. The actual key is how we focus and how we focus. The way we get there is just as important as the kind of future we give ourselves.

I'll use one as an illustration. If a person focuses only on the fact that they don't have enough money to take a vacation and accepts their predicament, nothing will change if they don't have very much money. But things change if people ask themselves, "How can I get more money so I can have enough to go on holiday?" In order to generate income, they have forced an emotional shift in their perspective and pushed themselves to take action.

Similarly, in interpersonal relationships. A couple's relationship will remain strained if one or both of them chooses to concentrate on the fact that it isn't as strong as it could be. Without conscious focus on improving the relationship, focusing on what is 'wrong' can lead to the belief that the relationship itself is wrong and can't recover.

Simply put, things will likely progress from "not very good" to "not at all good" to "maybe we aren't suited for each other and should part" to "breaking up."

Of course, not every relationship can or should be saved, and not every couple should be together. What would happen, however, if one or both of them shifted their attention to questions like "How can I improve my relationship?", "How can I make my spouse happy?" and "What am I not doing and what can I do better?" That person's focus has shifted. Their emotional attention has moved towards constructive behaviour. "What I'm not getting" has also changed to "What can I do for my partner?" a change of attention away from oneself and toward participation and giving.

Many couples are unsure about how to accomplish this. They are unsure of what to do. Many give up at this stage because they've only made things worse for themselves. They can deceive themselves into believing that they have "tried everything" without success. But all I can say right now is that the most prosperous business people never gave up on their dreams of achievement. They view failure as a tool that will help them succeed. They incorporate failure into their success strategy as a necessary step on the road to success. Failure is seen as a source of growth. Which it is, of course.

The same holds true in healthy partnerships.

When you start seeking out understanding of your partner and your relationship you can find resolutions to your 'problems.' You can use the issues that you have now to learn what is not working and start to try new things and different ways of relating to one another. This difficult time could be a springboard to creating the relationship that you would both love to have.

I understand that this may seem a little overwhelming when you don't know how to do it, or where to start. Relationship coaching can help take you through, step by step, to create your ideal relationship and quickly move you through this difficult time. Just because things seem hopeless doesn't mean that they are. Sometimes, we simply need the right tools, guidance, and support to see things more clearly and take action for positive change.

If you feel that now is the right time to rekindle your marriage then please get in touch with me, I would love to help.

Life Coach Directory is not responsible for the articles published by members. The views expressed are those of the member who wrote the article.

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Kendal, Cumbria, LA9 4BH
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Written by Jane Parker, Certified Advanced Relationship Coach (couples coaching).
Kendal, Cumbria, LA9 4BH

Jane Parker is a Certified Relationship Coach who specialises in working with couples.
She lives in the beautiful Lake District and sees clients in person and online using her unique style of coaching.
Jane has experienced that the vast majority of couples in long-term relationships can save their relationship given the right tools and guidance.

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