How Not to Destroy Your Relationship

This article is about what NOT to do when you are in a relationship. Sometimes it is easer to think of what not to do as a staring point in changing your behaviour. Sometimes when you are in a relationship you might not be aware of the things you are doing that are slowly destroying it. They might be habits you have learnt from past relationships or relationships like your parents you have seen when growing up. Just because you have always done these things or seen other people behave in this way does not make it right. Perhaps the same patterns are repeating themselves in your relationships but you are unaware of what you are doing to make your relationship end.

Take a look at the below list and if you thing you are doing any of these, stop immediately and change them, that is unless you want to end your relationship with a slow painful death! If so carry on!

1. Criticise your partner rather than their actions.

2. Display your contempt regularly (through insults, hostile humour and mockery).

3. Attempt to control your partner.

4. Get defensive at every opportunity.

5. Take your partner for granted.

6. Don’t show interest in your partner & what she is doing.

7. Avoid communication by distancing yourself physically or emotionally.

8. Jump straight away into the deep end of an argument.

9. Make sure the TV is on when your partner comes home.

10. Adopt strong traditional roles, even if one of you believes in equality.

If you want to change these patterns you must change your behaviour and in turn your partner’s behaviour will change too. If the relationship is on the rocks at a point of no return you making an effort might be the thing that tips it over the edge, so be it move on and find a better, happier relationship and learn from the past relationship.

For any relationship to work 4 key needs must be met.

The need for love and security The need for new experiences The need for praise and recognition The need for responsibility.

In order to save your relationship you need to establish open and honest communication, remember what you liked and loved about each other praise and recognise the things you like about your partner, tell them you love them just because not for any reason or anything they have done. Make time to spend time enjoying new experiences, learn to trust and respect one another and give each other responsilites within the relationship.

Positive psychology states the best way to see if a relationship will last is that it is an ACTIVE & CONSTRUCTIVE relationship, in a nut shell this means you both together spend a lot of time and enthusiasm celebrating the good stuff in detail. If you aim for this and maintain the other 4 aspects above you should have a lasting and happy relationship.

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