Do you know how you feel in your relationships?

How do you really feel in your relationships?

Our sense of perception is not always as straightforward as some might think. Perhaps you have a compromised sense of discernment and your clarity has been messed with during your early years. Or you have been subjected to gaslighting throughout your relationship history.

An early coping tactic might have been zoning out away from your feelings if you witnessed difficult scenarios. Pretending and the disconnect didn’t allow feelings into your consciousness, because zoning out or entering the myth and the fog felt safer.

Therefore, insecurity around difficult dynamics in your relationships through 'not knowing' becomes your go-to response. Also, somehow if you don’t define something, it kind of doesn’t have to exist.

Here’s what you find yourself not doing:

• saying something about something that matters to you 
• always being silent to keep the peace or not rock the boat
• setting boundaries
• asking questions 
• making yourself “fit” into unacceptable situations
• blaming and questioning yourself, not them
• staying with the status quo no matter how uncomfortable 
• zoning out a lot

It’s a survival strategy. But, as adults, we need a clear awareness of:

• what we want 
• who we are as well as 
• what is right and fair to expect from others

This is what obliterates shame and brings us into our own true spirit, which is where we are comfortable and authentic and also where we begin to experience our own sense of self and rhythm in essence, where we are meant to be.

How to identify your feelings

Become aware. If you are reading this, you will already have started the process of change. Recognise that your intuition will have been giving you the real version of reality all along.

Don’t give way to a cosy sense of calling it something else or not calling it out as anything at all. Fog might block out what you can see, but it doesn’t mean that it isn’t there.

Finding your power through statements gives you the vocabulary that you never had as a child and vocabulary gives you a compass through which you can navigate and identify your feelings.

Practise this change. It will feel unfamiliar at first maybe but the more you do it differently, the easier it becomes

Risk their criticism by setting boundaries through declaration. This gives you the true meaning of what declaration is, which is to declare. It gives clarity for you and shows others exactly where they cannot go and where you are.

Leave the terror which has held you back where it belongs - in your history. You were not (and are not) responsible for the mistakes of others that you have had to give way to, and assume as your fault or your own.

Dance to your own rhythm. Recognise and care for your own struggle. Healing comes through agency and sovereignty. Allow your awareness to awaken.

Try to stop “helping” where the feelings of others always take precedence to your own. They won’t thank you for it because it will have become expected of you.

Deep down, you know how you feel. The fog or maybe the dependence to let others either decide or know better than you will be a choice. Let it be yours.

I work with people as an emotional coach and support them both within our consultations and with the added benefit of WhatsApp support in between. l have found this makes all the difference to their not feeling lost and alone within unfamiliar territory.