Why doing everything "right" at work still leaves you stuck

Some of the most brilliant, capable people I work with have one thing in common. They’ve followed the rules, they’ve built stable lives, they’ve done the “inner work”, and yet, something still feels off.

That was the case for one of my clients, Brenda* (name changed for privacy). She came to me frustrated after years of doing everything right, and still being overlooked.

Her story is one I hear all the time. And if you resonate with it, keep reading. There are a few key mindset shifts that could help you move forward, too.

Brenda’s story: Working hard, getting nowhere

Despite her qualifications, Brenda had been passed over for promotions multiple times. She moved between roles, always the one keeping things afloat – but never fully recognised or taken seriously.

Eventually, she started questioning herself: “Maybe I’m doing something wrong and just can’t see it.”

She wasn’t looking for another motivational pep talk. She wanted clarity, strategy, and change.

Here’s what we did (and what you can do too):

We worked together using a structured coaching approach that blended mindset work with real-world strategy. These are the three key shifts that made the biggest difference for her - and they might help you too.

1. Uncover the hidden rules you're living by

Brenda had unknowingly adopted beliefs like:

• “I need to work twice as hard to be taken seriously.”
• “If I ask for too much, I’ll come across as ungrateful.”
• “They’ll notice me eventually if I just keep proving myself.”

These unspoken “rules” were keeping her stuck in over-functioning and under-recognition.

Ask yourself: What silent expectations am I trying to live up to - and who taught me those were necessary?

2. Learn to communicate from self-trust (not emotion)

Once Brenda began communicating from calm clarity rather than emotional burnout, everything changed.

She made bold, strategic requests - not desperate ones.

Within two weeks:

• Her concerns were formally acknowledged.
• Her role was restructured, and she began supervising a team member.
• She started proposing a dual academic title to reflect her leadership.

Try this: Before a big conversation, ground yourself in these three points:

• What’s my ideal outcome?
• Why is it fair and aligned?
• What’s one thing I need to express clearly, even if it feels scary?

3. Reconnect with the version of you that’s evolving

Brenda wasn’t bored - she’d outgrown the life she was maintaining.

We created a two-year transition plan that aligned her expertise with her deeper values and desire for impact.

In just one month, she:

• Was named lead on a national programme.
• Delivered a powerful conference presentation that ended in applause.
• Leading organisations across Europe began contacting her to collaborate.

Ask yourself:

• What part of my current life is functional but no longer fulfilling?
• What might I need to release in order to grow into something more aligned?

If you’re showing up, doing the work, and still not feeling seen, it’s not a personal failing.

It could be a sign that you’ve reached the edge of a cycle. That the version of life you’ve outgrown is no longer enough to hold who you’re becoming.

What helped Brenda wasn’t hustle or “toughening up.” It was getting the right support at the right time - and having a space to be guided, challenged, and seen.

If this resonated, don’t wait for things to fall apart before reaching for support. Get yourself a coach who can help you turn quiet frustration into confident clarity. The next chapter of your life deserves that.