Unhappy at work? Four choices that can change your career

So you're not happy. Your job sucks. Your creativity is stifled by the boss or colleague who feels threatened, or by unnecessary bureaucracy. You hate your boss. Your salary or bonus is a joke. You dread Mondays and spend your weekends feeling anxious about the weekdays ahead. You clock-watch and that clock looks like it has more than 60 seconds in each minute. You find yourself re-reading sentences and struggle to stay present.

Something needs to change.

Well, the driver for that change has to be you.

You're always your choice

One of the biggest lessons that my career coaching clients learn is that, ultimately, everyone is at choice.

Let's take Matthew*as an example.

Matthew is a successful fund manager who came to me after realising that things weren't about to change unless he did something about it. Despite a very successful career in financial services, a beautiful family and a lovely home in a beautiful part of London, he was neither happy at work nor at home.

His wife was complaining about his lack of work-life balance and, despite all his hard work and the sacrifices he had made in pursuit of a key promotion, he had been passed over.

His words, packed with frustration and conviction, were:

"I really have had enough, and something needs to change!"

Matthew's story

During our coaching sessions, Matthew admitted he had been unhappy at work for the last five years. Somehow, he had convinced himself that the only way to fulfilment at work was by climbing the corporate ladder.

The missed promotion turned out to be a blessing in disguise.

As he grieved the lost opportunity, he realised that it was never going to give him what he really wanted. His time in the City was up.

At 43, he had proved himself (to himself) and was tired of trying too hard in an environment that no longer aligned with his values. He hadn't taken the time to explore how miserable his job had become, and that frustration was beginning to spill over into his relationships outside work.

This is a common dilemma.

People often underestimate the importance of being in a role that genuinely fulfils them.

Worse still, it's easy to settle into a reactive "victim" mindset and suppress those nagging thoughts telling you that you're no longer in the right place. Perhaps you never were.

As someone who fought those (and countless other) thoughts before making the difficult, risky, courageous and liberating decision to leave my successful career in financial services to start my own business, I know just how intense these mental battles can be.

I've also worked with countless others, helping them either re-engage with their careers or find the confidence to leave and pursue something more fulfilling.

If this article teaches or reinforces nothing else, please remember this:

You are at choice.

It is your responsibility to make sure your work inspires and fulfils you. Think about your values, what is truly important to you, and find ways to align them with your work.

Four options if you're unhappy at work

If you're unhappy in your current role, here are four options to consider.

1. Change the situation

Speak up.

Ask for what you need.

Your dilemma may be keeping you awake at night, but I can assure you that your manager, mentor, or HR team most likely has plenty of other things on their mind.

Don't wait for someone else to manage your career.

I recently challenged a client to tell her boss that, after several years of doing the same job, she needed a new challenge because she hated the fact that she could "do her job in her sleep."

Soon afterwards, she was offered a completely different role that pushed her well outside her comfort zone. Sometimes, all you have to do is ask. You have nothing to lose.

2. Adapt or Shift Your Perspective

Work on changing the impact a situation or person has on you, and learn strategies that help you see things differently.

Did you miss out on a promotion?

A pay rise?

Was your bonus disappointing?

Rather than dwelling on how you've been wronged, ask yourself what you can learn from the experience.

Seek constructive feedback and understand what you need to do differently to reach your goals.

Behavioural assessment tools can also provide valuable insight into how you see yourself compared with how others experience you.

Where might you need to adapt?

This option requires humility, courage, open-mindedness and maturity.

3. Leave

If the first two options don't work and you know you're in the wrong role, company, sector or even country, it's time to prepare for a move.

Many people are held back by self-doubt or a lack of motivation to make a change.

Ask for help. Use your network. Dust off your CV and start exploring opportunities.

I've supported many people through redundancy and restructuring processes, including those who had a career change forced upon them.

I'm continually amazed by how creative people become when circumstances push them to explore new possibilities. Perhaps you're sitting on a business idea that's waiting to be explored.

Take the first step.

4. Accept it

Unfortunately, this is often the default choice.

The problem is that simply putting up with an unhappy situation is frequently accompanied by complaining, frustration and the mood swings associated with a victim mentality.

Over time, this can affect your relationships, your team and your organisation.

In our systemic team coaching work, we regularly see how disengaged employees contribute to behaviours that damage collaboration and team performance.

If you find yourself repeatedly complaining, ask yourself one simple question:

"What is the request behind my complaint?"

Then go back to Option One.

What's your next step?

As you consider these four options, I'll leave you with a quote from Eckhart Tolle that captures the message perfectly:

"When you complain, you make yourself a victim. Leave the situation, change the situation, or accept it. All else is madness."

Name changed to protect confidentiality.

Now, over to you.

If you've taken charge of your career and built a working life that inspires you, what advice would you give to someone who feels unhappy at work?

Or, if you'd like to discuss the challenges you're facing or explore any of the four options above, get in touch for an informal conversation about how coaching could help.