9 practical ways to build confidence that actually work

Confidence isn’t just something you’re born with; it’s something that can be developed. The brain can be trained to focus on positive patterns and build a stronger sense of self-belief over time. With the right approach, it’s possible to strengthen confidence in a way that feels both practical and sustainable.

Here is a range of trusted, scientifically grounded techniques that can help.

1. Practice self-compassion

Treating yourself with kindness during failure or difficulty instead of being self-critical. Being critical is a learned behaviour and can be unlearned. 

Why it works: Research by Dr Kristin Neff and Dr Christopher Germer, as world leaders in this field, shows self-compassion increases resilience and motivation. They have found that people taking part in their online courses increased self-compassion by 43%. 

How to apply: Use supportive self-talk, e.g., "It is OK to make mistakes. No one is perfect all the time." Start by giving yourself two minutes at the end of the day, combined with deeper breathing if possible, to reframe what you think you have done using kinder words and phrases. One of the best ways is to ask yourself, “What would my kind or wise friend say to me right now about this?” “Would you talk to them like that?” Build this up and keep a journal to compare how different you feel at the end of each week or month. 

2. Reframe negative thoughts and challenge using CBT practices 

Cognitive behavioural therapy encourages you to reframe negative thoughts with critical thinking. Often asking, 'What evidence do I have that this is true?'

Why it works: CBT-based studies show this reduces anxiety and boosts confidence.

How to apply: Write down your thoughts or reasons for a lack of confidence. When writing them out, you can note your feelings, and this will help you process them from the subconscious. Ask what evidence there is for this. Ask, 'Where have I previously succeeded in a comparable situation?' In CBT, labelling these types of thoughts, such as catastrophising, black and white thinking, helps identify the triggers of your confidence lows. 

3. Surround yourself with supportive people and promote positive social sharing

The next step is to surround yourself with friends who use their experience and kindness to help reflect a truer picture of your abilities and actions, which will help your confidence. 

Why it works: Positive social sharing helps emotional regulation, promotes trust and closeness, and reinforces social belonging. (Brudner et al, 2024). This research also supports more established social learning theories, such as Albert Bandura (1977), which emphasises how your environment influences your self-perception and modelling behaviours, such as confidence, which will help you be more self-efficient. 

How to apply: Reduce time with people who deflate you. Focus on those who uplift you. 

4. Use behavioural activation

Taking action despite low motivation can help improve your mood and build confidence over time. 

Why it works: Acting confidently can eventually lead to feeling confident (behaviour → emotion). Set goals that are just a little bit out of your comfort zone but achievable, with effort. Reaching these goals helps boost confidence. Locke and Latham’s goal-setting theory (1990) says they should be specific, challenging, and you need to commit. Next Tuesday at 10 am, for example. You must also get feedback to see how it is making a difference by doing this new behaviour.

How to apply: Always start with small, bite-sized, manageable tasks, especially if you have been avoiding them. If you need to increase your confidence, start with one small aspect of what you want to be confident in. For example, saying your name and introduction for a speech in the mirror. Then the first paragraph, the next time. 

5. Visualisation

If you have not done it before, imagine how you want to be or watch someone good at doing what you want to be more confident in. 

Why it works: Our brain uses highly similar cognitive processes to process a visual image and a visual memory. Slotnick et al (2012), and there is research to support that it cannot distinguish between visualising and remembering. Using visualisation techniques often creates more neurons that fire together, and it becomes easier. 

How to apply: Use all your senses when visualising. I use this technique in NLP and my coaching. The more senses you engage, the stronger the image; include what it feels like, smells like, sounds like, and looks like, and if you repeat this, your brain will recognise this “as is.” Other techniques include a vision board, using mental rehearsal, and affirmations with sensory input, so not just saying it. Always say or visualise what you want in the present tense, as if it has already happened. 

6. Limit social comparison

Comparison is never helpful. Focus on your own growth, not someone else’s. We are all on individual journeys and at various stages of growth. So, there is nothing to compare. 

Why it works: Remember, social media and comparison often distort self-perception; you are only seeing what someone else wants to project. 

How to apply: Ensure you set personal goals and measure against your past self. What you were yesterday, or last month, or year. 

7. Learn the value of feedback to manage rejection

There is a phrase in NLP, “there is no such thing as failure, only feedback.” It forms one of the presuppositions we work by. Receiving constructive feedback can be a gift; it is never personal and should have strengths and areas for improvement. Therefore, it allows you to get better. Being rejected needs to be reframed as “not quite there yet,” but never as “not good enough.” 

Why it works: If you seek regular feedback and reframe it as a chance to grow, it will reduce fear associated with something not working and increase assertiveness and confidence because you know you are getting better. 

How to apply: Try situations where the stakes are low to provide feedback; a trusted friend with a new recipe over for dinner, asking for a discount in a shop. Ask a trusted colleague to give you balanced feedback. Even better, give feedback to someone you trust, and word it in a way you would like to hear it. That way, you can see how effective it can be when done well. 

8. Make yourself big in new situations – use your body language

Adopting open, expansive postures (think of the effect of the New Zealand Haka before rugby matches – you know exactly what they are trying to do), and this can affect how you come across and influence if someone sees you as open to communicating with them. 

Why it works: Posture influences how we feel about ourselves, and if we walk tall and act confident, that is how we will come across. Body language plays a huge part in overall communication. 

How to apply: Stand tall, make eye contact, and avoid closed-off body language. Practice in the mirror. Think about if you were the person you were meeting – what would put you off and make you think they were not interested? 

9. Dress the part

Research the situation and dress it requires, if it is unfamiliar, and choose something you feel comfortable in. This will make you feel more accepted and confident, especially if it is an interview or a first date. Do not wear something you really do not like, or that does not fit properly. It may sound obvious, but have you worn new shoes to an interview that hurt you? 

Why it works: Studies about "enclothed cognition" show your clothes can influence behaviour and self-perception, and unfortunately, those first impressions still count. 

How to apply: Choose clothing that aligns with how you want to feel and be seen. Wear those favourite items and experiment with accessories to enhance an old outfit. Like visualisation, projecting a confident image via your clothes makes you confident. 

References:

• Locke, E.A, & Latham, G.P. (1990). A theory of goal setting and task performance. Prentice-Hall.
• Neff, K. & Germer, C. (2018). The mindful self-compassion workbook. The Guildford Press. New York.
• Slotnick SD, Thompson WL, Kosslyn SM. Visual memory and visual mental imagery recruit common control and sensory regions of the brain. Cogn Neurosci. 2012;3(1):14-20. doi: 10.1080/17588928.2011.578210. Epub 2011 Jun 3.
• Brudner EG, Fareri DS, Shehata SG, Delgado MR. Social feedback promotes positive social sharing, trust, and closeness. Emotion. 2023 Sep;23(6):1536-1548. doi: 10.1037/emo0001182. Epub 2022 Nov 10.
• Bandura, A. (1977). Social Learning Theory. Prentice-Hall.