How to train your inner dragon

Some of us can react quite strongly when we are cross, can’t we?

Think about any busy, stressful situation: crowded shops, tired children, a rushed supermarket trip, trying to get everyone out of the house on time, or working from home during the school holidays. We want something, other people seem to be in the way, and suddenly frustration rises.

This can become a metaphor for anger. We want something, other people also want something, and it feels as though they are stopping us from getting what we need. So we shout, push back or get angry.

So how can we train this inner dragon, this anger of ours?

Perhaps your child has an inner dragon too. When you learn this technique, you can share it with them.

How to train your inner dragon

First step: Set your compelling outcome

What exactly do you want? On a scale of one to 10, how important is it for you to have it now? What will be different when you have it?

Here, you are checking whether this thing is worth getting angry for.

Second step: Check your values

What value of yours does it satisfy?

A value is something you believe is important to you personally, such as honesty, peace and calm, loyalty, good health, happiness, love, friendship or respect. If it doesn’t satisfy anything that is truly important to you, then maybe it’s best to let it go.

Third step: Notice your skills and options

OK, so you have decided that this is important and it will make a difference. Now think about what skills you have to help you get it.

What options do you have, and what do you do well? The skills you use could include patience, considering alternatives, communicating what you want in a different way, or asking a question that prompts the other person to think differently about what they are doing.

Fourth step: Disassociate

This means considering the situation from another angle.

How might someone else view the situation? What would an impartial person notice? Seeing it from another perspective may offer helpful ideas and options.

Lastly: Act

Do something and see what happens. Does it work? If yes, great. If not, try another approach.

Test, operate, test and exit.