Letting go of the pressure to be everything

I have lots of clients and friends battling with this topic:

Why am I not good enough? Why aren’t I capable of being everything to everyone?

Often, they are comparing themselves to every other woman, or to the woman they believe they should be.

The “super mum” who has everything under control: her looks, the school runs, the parties, the hobbies, and she even manages to have a successful career as well. However, the reality can be so far from that statement. If only we could see what is real, rather than what we perceive as real.

This battle can come in different forms:

• The mum who feels she is inadequate because she thinks she should be juggling a career alongside being a mother.
• The mum who feels guilty that she is juggling a career and not spending enough time with her children.
• The career woman who feels inadequate because she hasn’t had children, and feels that somehow just being herself is not enough.

It is better to live your own destiny imperfectly than to live an imitation of someone else’s life with perfection.

Bhagavad Gita

But why do we punish and torture ourselves trying to live the life we want, while also feeling guilty that we cannot do or be everything?

1. Understand what’s important to you

It is important at this point to recognise that there is always a trade-off with any decision. The imperfections of life are a constant within our lives.

Create a list of the reasons why you made your decision. Was it for satisfaction, money, contentment or something else? This is a great reminder of what is important to you.

By putting yourself at the centre of these decisions and asking yourself, “What is my intention for making this decision?”, you will be better able to bring the best version of yourself to the world, your family and your career.

2. Notice the expectations you place on yourself

We constantly use the phrase “I should”, creating lists of unspoken rules which often shape our lives without us realising. They control us, and we accept them as night follows day.

If we replace the word “should” with “could”, it can help us reconnect with our true intentions around the situation, removing some of the self-loathing, judgement and pressure of what we believe is expected of us.

3. Acceptance

Stop comparing yourself to others and, more importantly, to what you believe they are achieving. This will only create frustration and a feeling of falling short.

Social media can inflate the image of the perfect wife, the perfect family or the perfect employee, when in reality many people are also trying to find their own way.

If you would like to work on becoming more content with your decisions and life, focus on your awareness around the points above. Understanding what triggers these emotions will enable you to question how you can change your behaviour.