How to find a job (and work out what you really want)

Much of my coaching work is with CEOs, senior leaders, and occasionally whole management teams, helping them excel in their roles. But from time to time (especially in January, which is particularly cold, wet, and grey over here in the UK), I also help people find a new job. Or rather, since I am not a recruiter, I help people answer the “big” question: What do I want to do, anyway?

The enquiry usually starts with discontent with things as they are, wishing they were different, or with things changing when we didn’t want them to.

It’s very common to feel any or all of the following:

• Desperate to move, but with little idea where you could move, so you do nothing. For years.
• Curiously dissatisfied by a well-paid, prestigious career that looks good on paper but leaves you cold on the inside.
• The ear-ringing embarrassment of suddenly losing income when you thought your post was secure.
• The terror of disappointing your family, or of asking your partner to step in and help. 
• Guilt that you don’t really want a job at all.
• The shame of not having, or knowing, your vocation.

So whilst acknowledging that you cannot (in my view) be coached by an article or by AI, here are some general or recurring ideas that come up in this kind of work, and practical steps you can take if you find yourself in this position.

Why you might be finding job-seeking harder

Before we dive into what you can do, it may help to recognise that recruitment processes, in general, seem semi-functional at best.

For all their benefits, digitisation and remote work (which has been revolutionary for many families) have also exponentially increased the pool of conceivable roles, on one side, and candidates on the other. Throw in AI, and it’s become easier for candidates to play the volume game in applications and for employers to apply automatic screening.

There are ever more people to assess, and ever more filters. Hiring processes become longer and more emotionally burdensome for everyone. Whether these filters effectively identify the best candidates is up for debate, but they do give an employer some rationale for narrowing the pile.

It also doesn’t help that titles and specialisations proliferate in a knowledge-based service economy, often without clear or shared definitions of what we’re all talking about. This makes it even harder for both candidates and employers to find a relevant match.

So it’s difficult. Everyone finds it difficult, on both sides, and reform is due. It is not just you.

Recommendations for job seekers

So what can you do?

Recognise the self-soothing behaviours that are, actually, miserable

By the time many people reach out to a coach, they’ve spent hours upon hours joylessly scrolling through job listings. If you don’t know what you’re looking for, stop looking. This kind of self-flagellation might keep the anxiety at bay for a bit, but it’s not moving you forward.

Learn to recognise joy

It’s easier than we imagine to tune out what we actually like. In fact, postponing gratification might have been central to many of your successes. But now we need to tune back in to our wishes, wants, desires. So today do something, anything, you enjoy.

Take a good long look at the monster under the bed

It can be such a relief to really run with pessimism, rather than trying to suppress our darkest imaginings. What if what we feared really did happen? What if I lost all my income overnight? Plan your disaster response.

In family life, ask, don’t assume

If you’re, for example, planning on the assumption that you need to be the family breadwinner, it’s probably best to check that your spouse isn’t secretly harbouring resentment that they’re on the school run and not a partner in a law firm. Start talking, or better: asking.

Write the antidote to the one-page CV

Before you spend time cutting your life down to a single side of A4 and presenting it for someone else’s approval, remember this is not a summation of your worth as a human being. Buttress your sense of self.

Consider not only your strengths, but your enthusiasms

My husband is good at washing up, but this is not, apparently, what he wants to be famous for. Beware praise. Other people may have your best interests at heart – or maybe they just want the proverbial washing up done. Where do you want to focus?

Make peace with not having universal appeal

It’s not necessary for the company you don’t want to work at to want you for the role you don’t want to do. This is OK.

Get explicit about your own trade-offs

If I were solving for sheer hedonism? Probably working in a tiki bar. But I’d also like to eat at The River Café and really enjoy wearing slippers under my desk, so…

Write the reverse job ad

Get as precise as you can about what you actually want to do. Share it far and wide. Test it. Talk about it. See if anyone you know already does it.

Get out from behind the keyboard

Mostly because it’s not that much fun, but also because chatting with people you like about things you like will expand your thinking, help you to rehearse and hone what you might one day want to say in an interview. It will also help you build your confidence and empower your advocates on your behalf.

You might still get into a hiring process from behind a keyboard, and that’s cool. You still won’t regret the coffees.

Negotiate, evaluate

Remember, a job offer is the midpoint in the process, not the end.

If you're feeling stuck or unsure about your next career move, working with a career coach can help you explore your options, gain clarity on what you really want and take steps towards a more fulfilling career.

Best of luck, eh?