Relationships: Learn to love yourself first...

Relationships come in many different forms, as well as varying levels of intensity and duration. They include relationships with parents, family members, teachers, friends and romantic partners, as well as teammates, colleagues, bosses and everyone in between. There are also the small exchanges of daily life and random meetings with acquaintances.

While most of us think of a relationship as a way in which two or more people connect, one of the most important relationships we will ever have is with ourselves.

The unique, one-to-one relationship we have with ourselves can underpin our relationships with others. If we don’t feel good about ourselves, this may affect how we view and perceive other people and how we ultimately respond to them.

Conversely, when we have healthy self-esteem and feel comfortable in our own skin, we may find it easier to create healthy relationships, recognise what we want and need, establish boundaries and express ourselves. When we feel good about ourselves, we may also be better able to respect others and allow them to be themselves.

But it’s not always easy. While everyone’s relationships are different – both with themselves and with others – they often involve similar issues. There may also be shared values, although the way these values apply can depend on the type of relationship.

Openness, honesty, trust and respect are common values that are important to many people. However, the way they play out in different relationships may vary. What we expect and accept from a friend may be very different from what we expect from an intimate partner, sibling, parent or work colleague.

Developing a good relationship with yourself and engaging in self-love is a big subject in its own right. Understanding more about yourself is key to developing a positive relationship with yourself. This may not only help you feel happier and stronger but also have far-reaching effects on your connections with others.

The aim is to value yourself and embrace your strengths and weaknesses rather than constantly being at odds with them.

There are so many aspects involved in relationships, including body language, tone, rapport, language and individual or cultural differences. It is therefore not surprising that there can be clashes and differences in perception.

Sometimes, we don’t confront relationship issues because we are scared of the outcome or don’t know how to manage conflict. Years can go by with issues left unresolved, and sometimes these are never laid to rest, resulting in a complete breakdown. Managing different relationships can be one of life’s greatest challenges, but developing the skills to do so can be well worth the effort.

Creating and maintaining strong, mutually supportive relationships is important. Positive relationships can contribute to our happiness and well-being. If life becomes tough, being able to rely on a network of supportive relationships can make a significant difference.

If you choose to work with an NLP (neuro-linguistic programming) practitioner or life coach, coaching can offer a structured space in which to understand yourself better and reflect on how you relate to others. You may explore skills such as building rapport, listening, understanding different perspectives, setting boundaries and communicating more clearly.

As you practise these skills and develop healthier relationships with yourself and others, you may begin to notice improvements in how you communicate, respond to difficulties and manage your relationships.