Relationships are hard, right?
Let’s start with a simple truth: humans are messy, complex, and beautifully imperfect. Our relationships, as an extension of that, are bound to reflect this complexity. It’s perfectly natural to encounter challenges in meaningful relationships, whether with colleagues, friends, family members, or romantic partners - you will likely disagree and experience conflict or tension! However, these moments of difficulty can sometimes lead us to question the stability or health of our connections.

Your anxieties are so valid. However, it's crucial to distinguish between challenges that help us grow and those that drain us. Left unaddressed, challenging relationships can become overwhelming, leaving us feeling stuck or out of control. But here’s the empowering truth: you can claim control in these situations. So let's dive in!
Disclaimer: Please note that abusive relationships and challenging relationships are different things. If you believe that you are in an abusive relationship, seek professional support immediately. You can contact organisations like the National Domestic Violence Helpline (UK: 0808 2000 247) or Women’s Aid for confidential guidance and assistance.
Avoiding the overthinking spiral
When faced with a challenging relationship, it’s easy to fall into a spiral of overthinking. You may find yourself questioning:
- Am I the problem?
- Should I have acted differently?
- Does everyone see me in this way?
Before you know it, you’re down a rabbit hole of self-doubt, Googling terms like “narcissist” and seeking external validation from others who offer conflicting advice. One person may insist that potential hubby-to-be is toxic, while another might say you’re overreacting. It’s exhausting and leaves you more confused than ever!
Here’s the thing: it doesn’t actually matter whether the other person is a narcissist, whether they said or did the “right” thing, or how others perceive the situation. What matters is how the relationship makes you feel and how it aligns with your values and boundaries. If you feel unseen, invalidated, or consistently drained, it’s a sign that something needs to change—and that change starts with you.
Building the foundation for change
The key to navigating challenging relationships lies in cultivating an unshakable relationship with yourself. When you trust yourself deeply, you’ll feel empowered to take steps that honour your needs and values, no matter the circumstances. Let’s break this journey down into actionable steps.
1. Address your inner child and clarify your core needs
Our perception of challenges often ties back to early conditioning and attachment styles. As children, many of us learned to adapt to unpredictable environments. For instance, if you grew up in a household where emotions were dismissed or volatility was the norm, you may find it harder to navigate emotional challenges as an adult.
This is where understanding your inner child becomes vital. By identifying the core needs you didn’t have met as a child—such as stability, validation, or unconditional love—you can begin to meet those needs within yourself today. This isn’t about blaming the past but about empowering & taking action in your present.
2. Strengthen your sense of self and address self-worth complexes
When a challenging relationship consumes our thoughts, it’s often a sign that we’re struggling with self-esteem. We might rely too heavily on external validation, making it difficult to trust our instincts and take decisive action. This can leave us feeling stuck in fear, unsure of how to move forward.
To break free from this cycle, focus on developing a strong sense of self. This means:
- Identifying your unique values, needs, and boundaries.
- Recognising and addressing limiting beliefs that hold you back.
- Learning to trust your intuition and act in alignment with your authentic self.
A powerful exercise I use with my clients is creating a "values list." Together, we explore a list of 50 core values, narrowing it down to the three that resonate most deeply with them. We then discuss how they are acting vs these values and how this all interacts with their deeper needs and boundaries. This clarity acts as a compass, helping you make decisions that feel true to who you are, but often they need support in identifying their values, needs and boundaries in the first place!
3. Communicate your boundaries and evaluate their response
Once you’re clear on your needs and values, the next step is to communicate your boundaries effectively. Boundaries are essential tools for maintaining healthy relationships and protecting your energy.
When expressing a boundary, aim to be assertive yet compassionate. Here’s a simple framework to guide your conversation:
- State how you feel: “I feel [insert emotion] when [specific situation].”
- Explain why it matters: “This is because [reason].”
- Request a change: “It’s important to me that [specific need or behaviour].”
- Invite dialogue: “What’s your perspective on this?”
This approach allows you to advocate for yourself while inviting the other person to share their thoughts. Their response will provide valuable insight into whether the relationship can move forward in a healthier way.
4. Create a resilience toolkit
Even with the best intentions, relationships can still be challenging. That’s why it’s helpful to have a resilience toolkit to support you during tough moments. This toolkit might include:
- Quick mindfulness techniques to ground yourself (e.g., deep breathing or body scans).
- Affirmations or mantras that resonate with you and feel cathartic.
- A list of self-care practices that recharge your energy (again, very personal to you!)
- Creating a "happiness" list of all of the simple pleasures in life that bring you joy. Save this list to your phone or somewhere easily accessible. When you’re feeling overwhelmed, it can be a powerful anchor to bring you back to the centre.
Knowing when to walk away
While some relationships can improve with effort and time, others may reach a point where letting go is the healthier option. If you’ve clearly communicated your values, needs, and boundaries but still feel an unresolved sense of discomfort, a life coach can offer strategic support. They can help you gain clarity about your feelings, evaluate the situation objectively, and identify actionable steps to prioritise your well-being. With their guidance, you can navigate the process of moving forward with confidence, ensuring that your decisions align with your long-term personal goals.
Celebrate your growth
If you’ve made it through these steps, take a moment to acknowledge and celebrate your progress. Navigating challenging relationships isn’t easy, but the work you’re doing is more helpful than you realise!
