Working parents: what are you holding on to?

As working parents, it's easy to fall into the trap of believing we need to do more. More planning. More organisation. More productivity. More juggling.

We're constantly surrounded by messages about how to optimise our time, manage competing priorities and become more efficient. While practical strategies can be helpful, they don't always address the deeper pressures that many working parents experience.

Instead of asking what we need to do more of, it can be just as valuable to ask what we might let go of. Especially as many of the challenges faced by working parents are rooted in the expectations, beliefs and pressures that we hold for ourselves and carry around.

The expectations we're carrying

Sometimes the biggest source of overwhelm isn't the to-do list itself, but the expectations we're carrying about who we should be, what we should achieve and how well we should be coping.

This might look like:

A definition of success that no longer reflects your values

For many of us, we created our definition of success before becoming parents. It may have looked like climbing the career ladder, saying yes to every opportunity, working long hours and constantly striving for the next milestone.

Becoming a parent often changes what matters to us, our perspectives and priorities, and how we want to spend our time and energy. What mattered to you five years ago may not matter in the same way today. Yet many working parents continue measuring themselves against an outdated version of success.

This can create a feeling that you're constantly falling short, even when you're doing well. You may be meeting the demands of work, supporting your family and navigating countless responsibilities, yet still feel as though you're not achieving enough because you're comparing yourself to a version of success that no longer fits.

Take a moment to ask yourself: Does my current definition of success reflect the life I want now?

There is no right or wrong. What is important will vary from one person to another. Perhaps success is no longer about doing more. Perhaps it's about having enough energy for the people and things that matter most. Perhaps it's about meaningful work, flexibility, well-being or presence. 

You're allowed to redefine success as your life evolves.

The belief that strong boundaries make you less committed

Many working parents struggle with guilt when it comes to boundaries. They worry that working flexibly, saying no to additional work or protecting family time will make them appear less committed, less ambitious or less capable.

The reality is that constantly stretching yourself beyond your capacity rarely benefits anyone, not your colleagues, your family or your own well-being. Strong boundaries can create greater sustainability by helping protect your time, energy, and attention, so you can show up more effectively at work and at home.

Many people assume that being committed means always being available. But commitment and availability are not the same thing. Being available to everyone all of the time can often reduce your effectiveness and increase stress.

The most effective professionals are not always the ones doing the most. Often, they are the ones who are clear about where they can add the greatest value.

Boundaries aren't about doing less. They're about making conscious choices about where your time and energy go. They help create clarity around what is realistic, sustainable and most important.

The pressure to return to who you were before you became a parent

Many parents carry an unspoken expectation that they should somehow get back to the person they were before children. But parenthood changes us. It changes how we think, what we value and how we spend our time. It can strengthen skills such as empathy, prioritisation, resilience and adaptability.

Yet many parents find themselves comparing their current selves to a previous version of themselves. They remember what they could achieve before children, the amount of time they had available or the level of energy they could devote to work and personal goals.

While those comparisons are understandable, they can also be unhelpful. They overlook the growth that has taken place and the new strengths that have developed along the way.

Rather than asking how to get back to your pre-parent self, it may be more helpful to ask what kind of life works for you now. The goal isn't to recreate a previous version of yourself; the goal is to build a life that works for the person you are today.

The idea that work-life balance means doing everything perfectly

Work-life balance is often presented as if there is a perfect formula waiting to be discovered. If we could just find the right routine, the right planner or the right system, everything would finally fall into place.

But balance isn't a permanent state; it is an ongoing adjustment. What feels balanced in one season may not feel balanced in another. Instead of striving for perfection everywhere, it can be helpful to focus on what is most important right now.

Think about:

• What matters most right now?
• What needs my attention in this period?
• What can wait?

Moving forward

You don't need to add more to your to-do list. Instead, take a moment to consider what you're carrying that no longer serves you.

We often assume that progress comes from doing more. Sometimes it comes from deciding what no longer needs your energy. And often, that starts with knowing what you're ready to let go of.

Taking time to reflect on these questions can help you identify the expectations, beliefs and pressures that may no longer be serving you, and create more space for what matters most in this season of life.