How to stop taking things personally

Quite often, we blame how we feel on someone else’s words or actions. Can you remember a time when you were in a bad mood and, when a friend asks, “What’s wrong?”, you reply, “he/she has really upset me”?

You probably remember a time when you got frustrated or angry by what someone said or did. Or maybe you felt annoyed because you didn’t get the anticipated response from a certain person, or because someone didn’t keep their promise or let you down. All of the above can have an effect on your state of mind, and feeling offended can cause you to react in a way that may make matters even harder.

Getting angry and upset by what is out of your control can take up a lot of your energy and time. Wouldn’t it be better to use that energy and time on what is important to you and within your control? It is so easy to take things personally. However, the minute you react without pausing, it can feel as though the other person has power over you.

Instead of blaming the way you feel on others, imagine being less affected by other people’s disdainful words or actions. It is possible, and it doesn’t mean that you will be submissive or avoid confrontation; it means that you will be aware and in control of what you allow “in”.

How to let go of other people’s words or actions

The first step is to pause before reacting

So the next time you find yourself in a difficult situation, stop and take a moment. Assess how you feel and remember that you have the choice to either “let it in” or to “let it go”.

If you choose to let it go, you have held on to your power, your state of mind is calmer, and you are more in control. You may find this very empowering.

The second step is to disassociate

Be the observer; see the event for what it is. This will give you clarity and help prevent your thoughts from running wild.

It is important here to be aware that your thoughts on the situation are simply your interpretation; they are your own story and your point of view. Your internal representations will always be influenced by your perspective, and they may influence your feelings and behaviour.

Just by taking the time to view the situation and your own thoughts on the situation, you may allow the intensity of your feelings to lessen and feel more detached.

The third step is acceptance

Accept that what anyone says or does is out of your control. Accept that you have the choice to remain in control of your response. Accept that there is little to gain by letting it in, other than a negative state of mind.

Seeing the bigger picture can allow you to accept it for what it is and not to be pulled further into it.

The fourth step is to let go

Now you are in a calmer state of acceptance; you can simply “let go”. Breathe in and, as you breathe out, release the tension and calmly move on. Feel how good it is to hold on to your power.

By holding on to hurt, pain and anger, you may be holding on to something that is out of your power to change. Don’t hand your power over to someone else. Remember, you can choose to “let it in” or to “let it go”.

Start to practise this in your everyday life, and then, when something big comes along, you will be better prepared to handle it.