The link between self, alcohol & well-being

During our lives, we navigate through countless relationships. Friends and acquaintances, family, colleagues, romantic couplings, sexual partners, and short-term connections. They all come with a mixture of expectations, challenges, and benefits. 

All of your relationships are unique, but there’s one common thread that runs through them all: you. Meaning the relationship you have with yourself is the most important relationship of all.

There’s another key relationship lurking within the complex web of mental health that rarely gets talked about but has an enormous impact. Your relationship with alcohol.

As a coach, I’ve seen how the connection between these two can make or break mental well-being. And I know firsthand what can happen when both of them are in a spectacularly bad place. Let’s look closer at their importance and the potential risks. 

Why self-relationship matters

How you relate to yourself shapes how you move through the world. It’s the foundation of your self-awareness and self-esteem. Influencing self-compassion or self-loathing. A healthy relationship with yourself means knowing your strengths and weaknesses, acknowledging your emotions without judgement, and prioritising self-care.

This relationship sets the tone for every other one you have. If you constantly give yourself a hard time, you’ll end up being hard on everyone else. If you don’t trust yourself, you’ll doubt others, too. The way you relate to yourself becomes the way you show up in life. 

Understanding your relationship with alcohol

A loyal companion for many, booze often wears many hats. Offering to relieve anxiety and stress while socially lubricating. Pulling you out of your shell, boosting confidence and providing courage where you didn’t know you had it. But while the occasional tipple may feel harmless enough, the line between casual drinking and overuse can be thin. 

Alcohol isn’t necessary to improve life or make it less boring, although we’ve been led to believe that from a young age. Clever and seductive marketing campaigns have made us feel that if we don’t indulge, we are somehow missing out. 

But it’s when alcohol starts being used as a tool to numb, distract, or give temporary relief to your problems that things can begin to get complicated.  

The relationship with yourself and alcohol: An ADHD perspective

For those with ADHD, maintaining this relationship safely can be far harder. Studies have shown that up to 43% of adults with ADHD may develop an alcohol use disorder (AUD). 

The short-term quieting and calming effect that alcohol brings can create a dangerous cycle of self-medication and dependency. Couple that with impulsivity, risk-taking, and the tendency to enjoy chaos, and you’ve got a recipe for disaster. 

The constant battle against symptoms can chip away at self-confidence and feed feelings of inadequacy. But with the right support and strategies in place, it’s possible to create a more positive sense of self and handle life with far more resilience without the temptation to use alcohol as a crutch. 

Tips for building a healthier relationship between both

If you find your relationship with alcohol feels unhealthy, take that as a signal. The good news is that it can be changed, maybe not overnight, but it is possible. Working on it proactively strengthens your relationship with yourself.

Share any concerns you have with people that you trust. Try talking with somebody you know who has successfully cut down or stopped. Pay attention to what triggers you. Certain situations and emotions can begin the cycle of overindulgence. Planning and imagining ahead can help you react differently. If you put pattern interrupters in place, it can help to avoid habitual drinking. Keeping track of how much and when you drink also reveals patterns and insights as to where to make changes. 

Setting attainable goals, like weekly drink limits or alcohol free days, makes things more measurable. Taking longer breaks, whether a week or a month, gives your body and health a rest and a reset. You might find you love how different you feel and want to continue. Getting mates and family on board provides extra support, and if you do activities that don’t revolve around drinking, it makes things even easier. 

For me, leaning into non alcoholic beers and spirits was a great tool. With the quality and options that are available today, it’s often hard to tell that you aren’t drinking ‘real’ booze. Limiting alcohol at home reduces temptation further. If it's not there, you can’t have it. 

Final thoughts: Support and next steps

If you’re struggling to make these changes, you may need some professional help. Seeking help isn’t a weakness, but a strength. Whether it’s through a doctor, therapist, coach, or support group, uncovering what drives your behaviour can help you to change it. With greater awareness and healthier coping skills, you can pave the way to a more balanced and happy life.