How to bridge the confidence gap

If you want to succeed in the most important aspects of your life, in your career and how you feel about yourself, you'll likely need to address confidence as a factor.

As children, we are often full of confidence. However, over our lifetime we are moulded into something else. We go on a journey and build a set of beliefs about the world, about ourselves, and create patterns which keep us stuck. 

I’m here to tell you that life is too short to stay stuck in an unfulfilling lifestyle, rather than living life the way you want. I did this for 20 years in a corporate job, working as a personal assistant. I thankfully now know there is a better way, a better life. 

I learned that the best way for me to get over my fear, was to experience it! The more times you successfully tackle your fear, the greater your confidence towards it becomes.

Have you ever stopped to consider what your limiting beliefs are costing you? Let’s take a moment to view our beliefs from a different perspective and shift our mindset.

• I might not succeed: I will succeed, I choose to make a success of my life.
• I could fail: I will learn how to do something different next time.
• I might look stupid: No one has the power to make me look stupid, only I get to choose.
• People might laugh at me: I can cope with whatever comes my way.
• My work might not be good enough: I am more than good enough, just as I am.
• I might find out I have no talent: I have more talents than I realise and continue to grow.

The way we think and act affects our confidence and happiness levels. Back when I was in my corporate career, I would think negative thoughts and behave in a way to support them. I didn’t take any action towards fulfilling my dreams because my thoughts told me that I ‘wasn’t good enough’ or ‘I didn’t deserve that life’, so I didn’t try, at least not at first.

Thinking about this now, it makes me a little sad, the fact that I had such little confidence and self-belief in myself. I now think and act differently, and believe passionately that we all have so much potential. It all starts from within. 

Marianne Williamson, an American spiritual teacher, author, lecturer and entrepreneur, wrote that ‘your playing small does not serve the world. We are all meant to shine as children do. As we let our own light shine, we give others permission to do the same’. Where are you playing small in your life?

The power of visualisation

Imagine a life, for a moment, where you have the freedom, flexibility and independence to live life on your terms. What would your ideal day look like in a year, five years or 10 years? What do you have in your life that you don’t have now? How much happier are you? Visualisation is a great tool to bring in greater feelings of happiness and confidence, so I encourage you to explore these questions.

Sit with them for a while, close your eyes and really imagine the life that you can have. What would you like the solution to be if there were no rules or restrictions? Write it out with no barriers or obstacles at this stage. 

Visualisation is daydreaming with a purpose

It’s important to question your beliefs. Why do you believe your work might not be good enough? Who told you, and what evidence do they have to support this? When you question your beliefs, you start to doubt them. I find a great way to explore our inner thoughts and beliefs is through journaling. If you’re into stationery, buy yourself a nice notebook and ask yourself ‘why do I not feel I’m good enough?’, or ‘why do I think people will laugh at me?’.

Whatever comes up for you, whatever thoughts and beliefs arise, write them in your journal and then just free flow your thoughts for ten minutes and see what arises. You might be quite surprised by your own thoughts. When you have a greater awareness of the thoughts and beliefs you have, the more action you can take to change them to more positive and empowering ones.

True inner confidence is loving yourself for who you are. You don’t need to impress others; the only person you need to impress is yourself. Give yourself permission to see yourself as more than good enough. 

Focus on what you are good at, what you’re passionate about. Take action today to live the life you deserve.

If you’d like more help bridging your confidence gap, a good life coach will be able to support you.