How men can find their values to align their life

Before embarking on any kind of self-improvement or personal development, whether that be with a coach, a counsellor, or self-directed work, a core element of moving forward is identifying one's underlying values.

Image

However, even though this may sound quite straightforward for many people, some struggle to perceive what their values could be, instead using what they believe other people value in both themselves and everyone else.

For instance, what we see or hear in popular media of all its varieties is far from a true reflection of the world.

This perception is a highly curated version of stereotypes projected by the writers and editors of that content, so is already significantly diluted and biased from the true version and broad spectrum of the actual views of the majority of actual people.

If we allow ourselves to be led and influenced by that awfully narrow perspective, we are letting our own values be determined outside of our own beliefs, experiences, and human will.

It’s therefore imperative that we identify our own values, as they will significantly guide the majority of our future decisions big and small.

A great place to start when seeking to consciously label your values is through a bit of self-reflection, which can be achieved by asking yourself the following three questions and writing down your answers…

1. What moments in my life have made me feel most fulfilled, alive, or deeply connected? This will highlight your inner drivers and reasons for moving your life in a particular direction.

2. What motivates me to take action, even when it's challenging or uncomfortable? Even though motivation can sometimes seem difficult to feel, it’s rarely an issue when it comes to areas of importance to us.

3. When faced with difficult decisions, what principles have guided my choices, and how do I feel about those decisions now? Noticing our automatic behaviours is a strong indicator of the underlying messages in our subconscious mind.

Some of the values we have are lifelong, and will always be a priority for us when making choices big and small as we go through life, but others may be transitional, only becoming important during a certain period of time, although they will still probably be in our top 50 values.

One of these values is achievement.


Achievement as a value

This can be measured both externally and internally, although the external version isn’t as valuable with regards to our self esteem.

Getting validation for what we have accomplished can be a strong ego boost for guys, but receiving this from others can have a limited duration.

If we get into the habit of constantly seeking validation from others then it can lead to us overworking ourselves and giving the power of our self worth to others, which isn’t a healthy place to be.

Finding internal value in our achievements is a much more sustainable way of going about our day to day existence, using even small personal victories to keep our momentum.

This can be done by setting realistic daily tasks that we can complete and metaphorically pat ourselves on the back as a mini reward of our success.

We’re then relying only on ourselves for the validation of our achievements.


Freedom as a value

Another common value for men is freedom.

Being able to go through life autonomously without having to rely on others is a frequent occurrence when men are defining what’s important for them.

Although men do enjoy working as a team, at the end of the day we’re left with ourselves, so having the freedom to break off and do our own thing when needed is critical.

Having to rely on others too much can feel quite emasculating, so if that’s a feeling we experience regularly then that’s a good sign that freedom is a value for you too.


Purpose as a value

The third of these values is purpose.

Having a clear view of where we’re headed and why is a significant driver for most people, particularly men.

This purpose goes beyond the surface level stuff of owning a specific car, or getting to a particular level in our career. It’s more about leaving a notable legacy, which many do through their children, and how they raise them to flourish on their own.

A man’s purpose could mean making meaningful contributions to society that have a positive impact on their wider community.

This purpose is often found through various types of volunteering like charity fundraising and local events.


It’s likely that most men relate to at least one of these three values if not all of them, but there are many other values you may have as well.

Spending the time to discover what our underlying values actually are can be hugely helpful when carving out our path through life, because if an opportunity or direction doesn’t align with our values then it’s probably not the right way for us.

But if it sits in perfect alignment with what we’ve deemed as important to us, then we know we’re backing up the right tree. Aside from using the questions set out at the beginning of this article, there are many websites to find that help in this process too.

Working with a coach can also aid in this pursuit alongside the accountability needed to ensure that progress is being made towards your top pursuits that align with your values.

info

The views expressed in this article are those of the author. All articles published on Life Coach Directory are reviewed by our editorial team.

Share this article with a friend
Image
Norwich, Norfolk, NR7
Image
Image
Written by Rob Palmer
ICF Accredited Personal Development Coach
location_on Norwich, Norfolk, NR7
Rob coaches men aged 30-45 who’ve achieved traditional success but still feel unfulfilled. Known for his mix of deep listening and honest challenge, Rob helps clients move beyond their comfort zones to find purpose and authenticity. True success, he believes, isn’t about titles or wealth but about living with meaning and by your values.
Image

Find the right business or life coach for you

location_on

task_alt All coaches are verified professionals

task_alt All coaches are verified professionals