How men can find their values to align their life

Before embarking on any kind of self-improvement or personal development, whether that be with a coach, a counsellor, or self-directed work, a core element of moving forward is identifying one's underlying values.

However, even though this may sound quite straightforward for many people, some struggle to perceive what their values could be, instead using what they believe other people value in themselves and everyone else.

For instance, what we see or hear in popular media of all its varieties is far from a true reflection of the world.

This perception is a highly curated version of stereotypes projected by the writers and editors of that content, so it is already significantly diluted and biased from the true version and the broad spectrum of the actual views of the majority of actual people.

If we allow ourselves to be led and influenced by that awfully narrow perspective, we are letting our values be determined outside of our own beliefs, experiences, and human will.

It’s therefore imperative that we identify our own values, as they will significantly guide the majority of our future decisions, big and small.

A great place to start when seeking to consciously label your values is through a bit of self-reflection, which can be achieved by asking yourself the following three questions and writing down your answers…

Some of the values we have are lifelong, and will always be a priority for us when making choices big and small as we go through life, but others may be transitional, only becoming important during a certain period of time, although they will still probably be in our top 50 values.

One of these values is achievement.

Achievement as a value

This can be measured both externally and internally, although the external version isn’t as valuable with regard to our self-esteem.

Getting validation for what we have accomplished can be a strong ego boost for guys, but receiving this from others can have a limited duration.

If we get into the habit of constantly seeking validation from others, then it can lead to us overworking ourselves and giving the power of our self-worth to others, which isn’t a healthy place to be.

Finding internal value in our achievements is a much more sustainable way of going about our day-to-day existence, using even small personal victories to keep our momentum.

This can be done by setting realistic daily tasks we can complete and metaphorically pat ourselves on the back as a mini reward for our success.

We’re then relying only on ourselves for the validation of our achievements.

Freedom as a value

Another common value for men is freedom.

Being able to go through life autonomously without having to rely on others is a frequent occurrence when men are defining what’s important to them.

Although men do enjoy working as a team, at the end of the day, we’re left with ourselves, so having the freedom to break off and do our own thing when needed is critical.

Having to rely on others too much can feel quite emasculating, so if that’s a feeling we experience regularly, then that’s a good sign that freedom is a value for you too.

Purpose as a value

The third of these values is purpose.

Having a clear view of where we’re headed and why is a significant driver for most people, particularly men.

This purpose goes beyond the surface-level stuff of owning a specific car or getting to a particular level in our career. It’s more about leaving a notable legacy, which many do through their children, and how they raise them to flourish on their own.

A man’s purpose could mean making meaningful contributions to society that have a positive impact on their wider community.

This purpose is often found through various types of volunteering, such as charity fundraising and local events.

Most men likely relate to at least one of these three values, if not all of them, but there are many other values you may have as well.

Spending time to discover our underlying values actually can be hugely helpful when carving out our path through life, because if an opportunity or direction doesn’t align with our values, then it’s probably not the right way for us.

But if it sits in perfect alignment with what we’ve deemed as important to us, then we know we’re backing up the right tree. Working with a coach can also aid in this pursuit. alongside the accountability needed to ensure that progress is being made towards your top pursuits that align with your values.