'Grace under pressure' - coaching the process with empathy

The author Ernest Hemingway used his famous phrase “grace under pressure” when describing courage in the face of adversity. Incredible to think how relevant those words remain today!

Grace under pressure is a way of describing someone with an attitude that defines courage, strength and fortitude, especially when the chips are down.

You could say that when people display 'grace under pressure,' their best qualities show. When faced with a tough situation, they utilise knowledge, leadership qualities, physical or mental endurance - and all of this with a certain calmness.

But how can we develop that same confidence when faced with pressure in our own lives?

As always, I don't have all the answers, but I started thinking about the pressures people face in everyday life. Those pressures are often situational, and understanding the situation itself may help us develop the 'grace' needed to deal with it.

Why do we lose confidence under pressure?

Imagine that you have what's already been mentioned – knowledge, leadership qualities, endurance – then add in other learned behaviours such as personal skills, empathy, plus many more attributes that can be called upon. Then it starts to get easier to imagine that an 'action' (for want of a better word) is well within their grasp:

• A face-to-face conversation with someone you know well.
• A Zoom call with your trusted colleagues.
• A game of pool with your mates down the pub.

The conversation is relaxed and natural; the Zoom call is stress-free and you can't wait to get down to work with the dream team; you're pretty good at pool and enjoy playing for pints (or Aperol Spritz...or G&T...or alcohol-free beer...whatever's your fancy).

So you handle the above with confidence, your heart rate is steady, and there's very little pressure. You follow the 'process' and the learned behaviours and you achieve.

Now imagine this: 

• The conversation is with a challenging new client.
• The Zoom call is with the senior leadership team and there's an expectation.
• The game of pool is part of an important competition, with an audience watching.

The situation has changed. The stakes are higher. But the process is essentially the same.

The challenge is to develop the confidence to trust your existing skills, follow the process and approach the situation calmly.

At the same time, you need to be attuned to the needs and outcomes of the situation. There may be a degree of preparation required.

Hmmm... all of a sudden this isn't as simple as we first thought.

How could I approach this?

First of all, I'd encourage you to think about the process rather than focusing solely on the pressure of the situation. 

You can make breakfast for your kids, and cook a tasty dinner for your partner, and you have the confidence and skills you need to do these things.

Therefore, you can, with some extra planning and preparation, cook a tasty meal for a dinner party.

Because you have the confidence in your abilities to cook under normal (un-pressured) circumstances it just needs some adjustment in the process to allow for more people, different timings, perhaps more complicated recipes and a little extra organisation.

But... you can do this because you already have the basic skills!

How empathy can help you manage pressure 

The next thing I'd do is work with them to build an Empathy Map.

Thinking about another person's perspective may help us feel more prepared and less uncertain about how a situation might unfold. Of course, we can't know exactly what someone else is thinking, but considering their possible needs and expectations can be a useful starting point.

If we continue with our dinner party example, then our 'target persona' is the dinner guest and their empathy map might look like this:

What might your guests think?

• "I'm looking forward to tonight. I haven't seen these friends for ages."
• "Our host is a good cook but it's the company and the vibe that I'm looking forward to."
• "I hope they don't get too stressed about cooking - we just want to share good times."

What might your guests feel?

• I'm so happy that this is happening.
• Hungry!
• Delighted that I've been invited!

What might your guests say?

• "This is great! Your table looks amazing!"
• "I've brought a New Zealand Sauvignon but just park it if you have something special planned and enjoy it later!"
• "Food smells amazing. But I'm just glad we're all together at last!"

What might your guests do?

• Asks if they can help out in the kitchen because they want to be useful.
• Helps by pouring out drinks.
• Keeps the conversation flowing while you prepare the food.

With a combination of 'confidence in the process' ("I can cook and I've prepped for this") and an empathetic understanding of the audience's needs and wants, there's a good chance that you may be better prepared to approach a challenging situation with 'grace under pressure'.

By acknowledging your skills (and working on any gaps as required beforehand) plus anticipating the needs of your 'audience' by putting yourself in their shoes (because they're human just like you) can go a long way to building your confidence and overcoming anxieties.

Hemingway also said, “The best way to find out if you can trust somebody is to trust them.” But that's a quote for another time...