Finding self-compassion: A path to empowerment for women

In my six years of working one-on-one with incredible women, I’ve witnessed firsthand how easy it is for them to be hard on themselves. It’s almost as if it’s embedded in the narrative of how we’re supposed to behave – self-deprecating, self-judging, and denying ourselves permission to simply be. We’re conditioned to believe we must keep going, pushing through no matter the cost.

But what if the answer lies in doing the exact opposite? What if, instead of self-loathing and internal bullying, we embraced compassion, non-judgment, self-care, and gentleness?

These reflections, born from years of personal work with women in various life situations, are my gift to you. A mirror, if you will, to help you see yourself more clearly and perhaps, with a little more kindness.

Finding self-compassion: Reflections  

The weight you carry is real – acknowledge it

I often speak to women who juggle caring for elderly parents, raising young children, working full-time, and supporting friends emotionally, all while criticising themselves for not sticking to a rigid gym routine. If this resonates with you, I want you to pause and truly see the load you’re carrying right now – it’s immense. What really feels supportive to you at this moment? Instead of pushing yourself harder, consider what it might look like to offer yourself some grace.

Embrace change – let go of the pressure

Then there are the women who’ve moved homes, changed cities, started new jobs, or welcomed a new baby – massive life changes – all while berating themselves for not being the “fun” person they used to be, for falling behind on keeping up with friends or feeling lost at work. If you’ve undergone significant changes in a short time, it’s essential to step back. Where can you take the pressure off yourself right now? What would it feel like to allow yourself to adjust, to breathe, without the constant judgment?

Celebrate achievements – make room for feelings

I also work with women who’ve given everything to their businesses, reaching the point of burnout, only to scold themselves for being “lazy” or procrastinating when they spend time doom-scrolling or lying in bed. If this sounds familiar, how about celebrating what you’ve achieved instead of beating yourself up? What if you started to make room for your feelings rather than pushing them away? Your productivity doesn’t define your worth, and taking time to rest doesn’t make you weak.

Allow yourself to grieve – it’s OK not to cope perfectly

For those who are grieving while managing family, work, and complicated relationships, I see you. I see you feeling annoyed with yourself for “not coping” as well as you think you should. I know it’s scary to slow down, but that scribble in your brain is asking you to pause right now. It’s OK to not have it all together; it’s OK to show cracks. Giving yourself permission to feel the weight of your grief without judgment is a powerful act of self-compassion.

You are enough – your worth isn’t tied to perfection

Finally, to the women who have spent their lives striving – the grades, the home, the career ladder – only to realise that fulfilment must come from within, I see you. I see you hating yourself for every anxious thought or 3 a.m. panic attack, thinking you’ve failed at achieving perfection. What would it feel like to take the pressure off yourself? To remind yourself that your worth isn’t contingent on your external achievements or productivity? You are enough, just as you are.

The 3 core reminders

After years of working closely with women, I’ve found that the “answer” to their struggles often comes back to three fundamental truths:

• Less is more: In moments of struggle and pain, what you need is often less, not more. Adding yet another “must do” to your routine isn’t the solution. The smaller, gentler option is.
• You are unique: You are nuanced and beautifully unique, and your response to yourself should reflect that. Carving your own path, building self-trust, and getting to know yourself intimately are the greatest gifts you can give yourself. You are the only expert on you.
• Self-compassion is key: You’ve tried countless times to make changes by being harsh on yourself, and while it might work temporarily, it doesn’t stick. Self-compassion and kindness are what truly sustain change. Cultivate these qualities within you.

If any part of this resonates with you, I encourage you to take a step back and reflect on your current situation. Are you being too hard on yourself? Are you pushing through when what you really need is to pause? If you’re ready to explore these questions more deeply and begin the journey toward greater self-compassion, don't be afraid to reach out for support.

You don’t have to do this alone. With someone by your side, you can create a space where you can acknowledge your struggles without judgment and start treating yourself with the kindness you deserve. Remember, you are enough, just as you are. And that is more than enough.