A simple way to think about stress

For as long as I can remember, there has always been someone around me who was stressed, whether it was the mad dash trying to get things organised for our holidays or long working hours. Stress just happened. But as a child, it wasn’t labelled or understood as a problem.

It wasn’t until much later in life that my concept of stress as a problem began to develop. At work, I saw people buckle under intense workloads and tight timescales, and observed changes in personality depending on the pressure they were under.

So, what changed from our innocent childhood understanding that suddenly made everything a problem?

Education played a part. We are often told that stress is one of the biggest reasons for long-term sickness absence in the UK. Stress can have a profound impact on our overall health and wellbeing, our work, our relationships and our quality of life.

Now, I am not saying that the innocence, or ignorance, of my childhood ideals was the correct form of thinking. But it does get you wondering about the way we interpret stress and the importance we place upon it.

Every emotion we have is influenced by our thinking. We have thousands of thoughts per day, and that can mean a lot of emotions. In our lives, we may experience something as stressful because we have learned to interpret it as such.

Our education and experiences define how we think, and this impacts how we feel. That feeling then impacts our behaviour and our subsequent results. For many of us, some of the stress we experience is temporary, and the disaster we were concerned would happen never materialises, or is not as bad as we thought.

How many times, in hindsight, have you wondered why you were stressed in the first place? Are you aware that many of the things we get stressed about are in the past or the future, rather than what is happening right now?

In other words, stress can be the result of an external event that we perceive as negative, and which we believe we don’t have the resources to cope with. If that wasn’t the case, then how is it possible that different people can cope with stress in so many different ways?

Think back to a time when you were really happy. What was it about your experience that meant everything felt good? It is quite likely that you were doing something you loved. You may have been working towards a goal that was exciting, working with people you liked and respected, having fun, or maybe everything just seemed to be going well for you, and life felt in flow.

When we align our values, what is most important to us, with our beliefs- what we believe about ourselves and the world in which we live- and we have goals that challenge us and give us a sense of purpose, then our emotional and mental wellbeing can start to change.

We may realise that we can influence our current and future experiences, and the way we interpret our past. It can be energising, and from this space, our wellbeing can thrive.

In particular, clients find that one-to-one coaching helps them to focus, get perspective on their stressors and learn to take more control of their wellbeing so they can experience life in a way that feels more aligned with their values.

So, if I hold up a cup of tea and ask you how heavy it is, what might you answer?

The absolute weight of the cup of tea does not matter. It really depends on how long you choose to hold on to it. If I hold it for a minute, that is not usually a problem. If I hold on to it for a day, I am probably going to be in some discomfort. In each case, it is the same weight, but the longer I hold on to it, the heavier it becomes.

Stress management is very similar. We often carry our burdens around most of the time. As the burden becomes increasingly heavy, we may eventually not be able to carry on. Just as with the tea, we have to put it down for a while and rest before picking it up again. When you feel refreshed, you can pick it up again and carry on.

So, before you get home tonight, leave the burden of work at work if you can. Do not carry it home. Whatever your burdens are, put them down for a moment and breathe deeply. You can always pick them up later.

Remember, life keeps coming at us. There will always be time to return to what needs your attention.