When children leave home - or do they?

We all know the phrase 'parenting doesn't come with a manual' - but even if it did, it would constantly be outdated! The difference in my generation and my parents' - for example - is stark in itself. Particularly when looking at trends of moving out as young adults. 

When your children leave home

Empty-nesting in itself is a whole adjustment. For the homeowners, parents, guardians and family members previously under the same roof, there are stark changes in routine, identity, relationships and plans for the future. 

When adult children return home

Just as you adjust to an emptier home, circumstances can change again. Now when children grow up they don't always leave home, some go off to University then come back as matured independent adults, some stay at home and begin their path in the working world while having the comfort of living with their parents. 

Nowadays, financial, work or personal circumstances may mean adult children stay at home longer, or return after they've previously moved out. Ofcourse some parents are delighted, for others this is a whole new dilemma.

This dilemma for some comes after having to deal with the empty-nest when all the children left - but now they're back. Do bedrooms need to be converted back if they've been repurposed? Will they lose the freedom they had only recently (in the grand scheme of things) regained? Should they offer shelter for longer, something which possibly wasn't prepared for financially, or even something they necessarily want? 

Beyond that, maybe your children have even moved their partners in, bringing in even more new personalities, boundaries and routines into the mix. It can be a real struggle. We all react differently, but for lots of people this can drive them to delaying tactics, such as stopping somewhere on the way home, working late or taking up an abundance of hobbies to avoid being in the house. This all adds to a new unplanned financial and relationship quandary.

Finding your next chapter as parents of adult children

Parents seek out coaching for support as it’s not easy having more 'young adults' in the house, they struggle feeling as if they are a strangers in their own home. Feeling like their planned dream retirement is slipping away. They might feel under pressure to spend less, help to save for their children or even borrowing again to help out. 

Consider what you want from life now, how your relationship with your adult children might evolve, and what boundaries would help if your children returned home.