How to challenge limiting beliefs in 6 steps

One of the reasons I became a coach and why I love helping people make positive shifts in their lives is that, through personal development coaching, I learned that we all have the ability and resources within us to think in more positive, helpful ways. We can challenge negative beliefs and give ourselves opportunities to develop more productive thoughts. It’s just we don’t always know how to help ourselves do that.

A limiting belief is a state of mind or belief that may hold us back from doing something or limit what we think is possible. We humans are particularly skilled at developing these negative thoughts and limiting beliefs and then convincing ourselves they are correct and true.

Negative self-talk and thoughts can unexpectedly creep in and can be destructive and hard to shake. They may affect how we feel, sap our energy and leave us questioning ourselves and our abilities. For example, we may think others are doing more, achieving more than us, or that someone is obviously better and more successful/happier, whilst we are still struggling.

These are, however, unsubstantiated assumptions we are making. We have no idea if they are true or not. We don’t know what other people’s worlds are like and how successful their lives might or might not be. Without hard facts, we only have our own thoughts and just plain guesswork based on what we see and hear. Things can spiral quite quickly into self-doubt and negative rumination that undermines our confidence. So, when we think these thoughts, it’s time to take a breath, stop, question the thoughts in our head and consider whether there might be another way of looking at things.

When we have thoughts, what is our brain actually doing? Our brain is amazing, with approximately 86 billion neurons that constantly form and adapt connections through neuroplasticity. This refers to the brain’s ability to change and adapt, including as we learn and experience new things. Our thoughts and perceptions are also influenced by the information we take in, our senses, memories and previous experiences.

But ‘your truth’ isn’t necessarily ‘the truth’. In our vocabulary, we use lots of general terms, such as ‘every’, ‘always’, ‘never’. These words serve a positive purpose in language because they neatly cluster thoughts together, and we call these ‘Generalisations’ in NLP.

However, these can also work against us when our mindset and state are negative by producing quite extreme phrases that accentuate the negatives. Even if there was some truth in what we are hearing or saying to ourselves, it is rarely true or appropriate to generalise. Negative examples might look like:

“It will always be this way.”

“I’m never going to achieve that.”

How does this fit with negative limiting beliefs? Our thoughts, feelings, emotions, learning and memories are connected in complex ways, involving different areas and processes within the brain. When we repeatedly think about ourselves or our experiences in a particular way, those thoughts can start to feel increasingly familiar and convincing, making an unhelpful belief harder to challenge.

A personal example of negative self-talk from early childhood was when I struggled with numbers in junior school. I was labelled as ‘poor at maths ’, and this thought got embedded and created a limiting belief (many of the ideas, concepts and labels we live by as adults were laid down in our formative years). Over time, my inner voice kept playing the same negative belief, and I literally learnt from an early age to be ‘poor at maths’.

Once we hold a belief about ourselves, we may notice experiences that seem to support it while overlooking evidence that challenges it. In my example, being labelled ‘poor at maths’ became part of the story I told myself about what I was capable of, and it was easy to find experiences that seemed to prove that belief right.

The great news is that you can challenge your limiting beliefs and develop more helpful ways of thinking. I’m pleased to say I did achieve my degree in psychology and biology, and the course involved so much maths I didn’t have time to be poor at maths.

When we ‘believe something to be true’, we accept that truth even without concrete proof. However, we can learn to question whether our beliefs are supported by the evidence available to us. But first, you need to understand what it is you are thinking!

When you next get a limiting belief, consider the following six steps to help look at your thought and instead help create a more helpful one.

1. Identify the thought

“What was I just thinking that triggered my negative thoughts and emotions? What am I telling myself?”

If it’s a word or phrase from your story, write it down, e.g. “I’m no good because...”

2. Question whether it is really true

Read the phrase to yourself and identify the negative you are telling yourself and then challenge it! What evidence do you have that it is true? Is there evidence that doesn't support it?

3. Stop and question your assumptions

Now stop and question your assumptions. Break them down and test out what you are hearing. Which parts aren’t really true?

4. Look for another perspective

Ask yourself “What is unhelpful about this belief/assumption?” Consider whether there is another, more balanced way of looking at the situation.

5. Look at the evidence

Recall current and past achievements related to the belief – whether large or small, they are your evidence. Focus on them, write them down and acknowledge them.

6. Create a more helpful belief

Using this new evidence, rewrite the negative phrase in a way that is more balanced, helpful and supported by the facts available to you. When the old belief comes up again, remind yourself of the evidence you've identified and the alternative way of looking at it.

When negative thoughts emerge, remember to question whether they are really telling you the whole story and consider what the evidence says instead.