Boost your confidence and brain power

Confidence is usually acquired through a process of repetition and experience, just like a well-worn shortcut across a field.

In biological terms, Hebb, (2002) explained how this worked because neurons in the brain, that are in close proximity to each other, will be stimulated to react together and grow stronger, creating pathways of learned behaviours and memories of how to do things - just like that well worn path across a field. His theory (Hebb’s law) summed up how habits and new experiences are formed in the brain with the phrase, ”Neurons that fire together, wire together.”

The role belief plays in confidence

What if your well-worn memory/neural pathway kept telling you, “Oh, you’re not very good at that, last time that was uncomfortable.” You now have a belief about how confident you are in completing that activity or skill. The result is that you will need to address that belief before you can feel 'confident' in that skill or behaviour. 

But, what if I also told you that, using Hebb’s law, you can create new pathways, and by not using the old ones, the brain will prioritise the new ones. This is how new habits are formed, in new neural pathways.

Even better than that is the understanding that your brain and nervous system cannot tell the difference between a 'real' experience and an 'imagined' one (Maltz, 1962). So, if you believe you cannot do something or are told this and take it to be 'fact', your brain cannot tell if this is real or imagined, so it will not look for alternative solutions.

What has that got to do with confidence?

By repeating new positive thoughts, you can create new pathways, and by using visualisation and imagination, you can visualise and act out the new positive, confident behaviours or skills you want to see. You can train your brain to create the reality and experience the feelings associated with your new visualised confidence and what that means to you. This is biology, not conjecture.

As an example, Walt Disney used a consistent strategy of imagination to create and visualise what he wanted, which he then tried out and evaluated, until his final concept was formed and Mickey Mouse was born in the first moving picture cartoon. His ability to imagine and visualise what he wanted to create is still a useful tool, and we use a Disney-style strategy in NLP to help create new realities. Invariably, you will need a certain level of skill and experience, but even as a complete beginner, these can also be learned, and remember, what you can imagine, you can also action. 

It is all about projection and where you focus your thoughts

Despite what you think, or what someone might say, no one is confident all the time; well-known actors still get stage fright and politicians, however seasoned, still need to rehearse important speeches. When you are good at something, it is because it is a learned skill or behaviour underpinned by understanding and knowledge, which you have repeated. Disney had skills and experience in his team, but it was all new to them, and he had to keep trying diverse ways to bring his vision to life, as he had never created a cartoon moving picture before.

He focused on what his new reality would look like and never let that go! Sometimes you may not have quite all the experience you need at the start of a project, but repetition and persistence are the key, especially in a new situation, and this is what will give you confidence.

However, if you habitually focus on any fear associated with an experience, such as what will go wrong, you will amplify it and engage those old neural pathways. The trick is to focus on the things that will bring about the change in small steps, with self-compassion and self-awareness. 

As James Redfield said, “Where the attention goes, the energy flows.” This is backed up by brain neurology; the RAS system in the brain filters information and brings forth awareness of anything you focus on internally. This phenomenon occurs when you have focused on a particular make or colour of car or destination for a holiday, and suddenly you see it everywhere. That is the RAS at work. It is the same with catastrophising with what could go wrong-your brain will look for issues and you will see more of them. Classic self-fulfilling prophecy. 

If you focus on more positive alternatives and use visualisation, persistently, for usually around 30 days, you will rewire your brain to create new pathways and possibilities. If you tell your brain that this is now the reality, it will respond accordingly and learn the new habits being created.

A note on fear and feeling uncomfortable

Luckner and Nadler’s learning model (1991) states that you go through three zones when learning, and you need to learn to be more confident! You will weave between:

• Your comfort zone - your familiar, safe pathway.
• The stretch zone - those first few steps into the new path.
• The panic zone - never been on this road before!

You will have doubts, you will feel uncomfortable, and you will need to sit with the fear at first. However, recognising that it takes courage to take that leap of faith in the first place shows that you have confidence in your ability to improve with effort.

The key is to be kind to yourself and break down new learning and habits into bite-sized steps to build confidence. This will help boost confidence because you have improved self-belief that you can make progress beyond that comfort zone. 

5 practical steps to boost your confidence

1. Act “As if”

Use your imagination and act “as if” you already have that attribute, skill, or behaviour. Literally move into a space in front of a mirror and imagine what it feels like to be that new desired behaviour/persona. What do you feel, hear, or see as that new “persona”? Move back to your current self-position and notice the difference.

Do this every day, and have prompts around you. Focus your energy on this positive state. Think about the situation that you want to change and how you will act when you are in that situation again with your “as if” persona. Ask what evidence will show you that you are more confident? 

2. Model someone you admire 

Model the confident attributes of someone you admire and resonate with. Write down one to five things you have observed from them that you can incorporate into your own life every day for at least a month. Monitor how these are influencing what you want to change via a journal or audio notes.

3. Find a mentor or role model

Get a mentor at work or ask to shadow someone who does something well, so you can learn more. 

4. Set progressive learning goals

Set yourself a goal to learn something new each week/month, and gradually make it harder so you are going from your stretch zone into the panic learning zone. When goal setting, do not change the goal, just adjust the steps to get to the next stage if it is a little harder than you thought. Just tweak, reassess, and make small steps to keep up the momentum and build confidence. 

5. Practice calming techniques

Consider learning how to abdominally breathe or box breathe and try mindfulness or Yoga Nidra, so that when faced with setbacks or in your panic zone, you can refocus. 

References: 

Hebb, D O (2002) The organisation of behaviour: A neuropsychological theory. Psychology Press. 

Redfield, J. (1993) The Celestine Prophecy. Satori Publishing, Hoover. Alabama.

Luckner, R S., & Nadler, R S. (1991), Processing the Adventure Experience: Theory and Practice, Dubuque: Kendall Hunt.

Maltz, M. (1960), Psycho-cybernetics. Pocket books, New York.