5 step proven formula to find purpose and direction in your 30s

Being in your 30s is a lot of fun. You know more about yourself, you have more confidence than in your 20s, and you likely have a stable group of friends and more money in your pocket. But, being 30 can also be a very confusing time in your life.

Your priorities have changed and now instead of dancing all night in a club on the weekend, perhaps you prefer to go for a morning yoga class on Sunday. Don’t get me wrong, not to say we are the same in this exact regard, this just represents an example shift in mindset, I’m sure you can identify your own based on your own lifestyle. Along with that change comes a desire to feel peace of mind, and to feel assurance about the direction you are going in your life in contrast to the behaviour that led you to this point

That peace of mind often doesn’t sit well with the version of you that you built in your 20s, because it’s a version of yourself you may not identify with very much anymore. This is difficult to acknowledge, because it involves a shift in your identity, and potentially letting go of parts of you which guide your behaviour subconsciously.

However, there is a huge relief in finally having the confidence to say out loud, that you want to make a change, and that support is necessary. Here is a five-step formula which, if you use it, will help you to create a significant change in your life so that you can live your thirties and beyond, the way you want to.

Five-step formula

1. Separate the stages of your life

Let's get philosophical for a moment, can a river ever become a different river? Should the name of a river ever change? Well, think about it. The water flowing through it changes all the time, the river's direction, shape and structure changes over time, and its source and outlet generally stay consistent. This is actually very important for you as a person: you were born, you will always have the same biological parents, and date of birth.

You will one day die, that destination is unfortunately pretty fixed. Thus, you have the fixed parts of identity, just as what makes a river a river, that’s what makes you a human. Everything in between, however, is not fixed at all! Your cells are changing all the time, just as the water in the river does, your neurons are forming new and different connections in your brain, your ambitions, desires and mindset develops with age, and so your course and shape also change, just like that river.

Why are we even talking about this, as interesting as it may be in itself? Because when a river changes its course, it can only do so relative to its current one. The same for us as people, our changes are relative to who we were, and are, that is, our previous and current course in life. That’s why it’s very important to reflect on your course so far, to understand where you are now, and this will help you far better understand the changes you can make.

This is equally important for acceptance. The river can’t suddenly jump to another place, it must accept where it is now, and what it can do from there. OK, the metaphor is being tortured a little now, but you get the idea, same for you and I. Accepting where we are, and embracing how we got here, gives us a deep understanding of how to work with it, and this is the first step to being able to make fundamental changes in our lives, to support us in our 30s and beyond.

2. Accept your past and present

It is important that you accept your past and present, so you can move forward with a clean sheet of paper. Take the lesson by accepting what was wrong, so you can be inspired to create a better future​​. After you do that, you’ll feel free from any limitations and will gain peace of mind. Here’s how you can help yourself to do this in a peaceful way.

Take a piece of paper and answer the questions below:

Past:

• What were the best parts of your past 10 years?
• What were the worst parts of your past 10 years?
• Which previous success do you regard as the best?
• What do you think was the biggest failure of your past?
• What did you learn from your biggest success?
• What did you learn from your most substantial failure?
• What would you do differently today if you were to live it again?
• How do you feel today about your past?

Present:

• Does the person you were 10 years ago, fit with the person you are today?
• What are you avoiding/what haven’t you admitted yet?
• What has been holding you back from making changes and taking action?
• Which limiting beliefs do you think you might have about yourself?

Future:

• What will you have to give up to make room for your new future?
• How will your life be transformed if you will give this up right now?
• Where do you see yourself in five years?
• Where do you see yourself in the next year?
• What do you truly want for yourself?
• Which values are important for you?

3. Take action towards your future

It’s time to become the version of you that is going to support you from right now to the years to come! The difference is that, because this is a conscious effort, it will be more malleable, and can evolve easily with you. For this one, we’re going to combine looking forwards with working backwards. That might not make sense just yet, but after the following two exercises, you’ll see exactly what we mean.

Close your eyes. Imagine it is 10 years from now, and you are the happiest you could possibly imagine. Really try to imagine it, it’s going to be difficult, but you can do it, I promise. Write down, what that world is like, what are you like? What kind of people are around you, what does your day look like, what do your surroundings look like, what kind of things can you notice about yourself and your beliefs? OK, you got it!

Based on the first exercise, close your eyes again, and try to imagine the years up till the point you visualised. If that state of happiness was the only goal, what would those years need to look like to make it happen? Crucially, you need to imagine whether those years can also look as happy as the end state you imagined. How long would it actually take to make that state happen for you? Now imagine the short term, the next few weeks, what are the immediate actions you could take that can bring you closer to that state? I’m sure you can identify what things can support the happiest version of yourself both now and in the future.

If you’ve managed to write something down for both exercises, well done. I mean it, really well done. You’ve identified with the version of yourself you imagine to be the happiest, and even better, you can see a path towards it, and you know that it can start far sooner than you thought.

There is one final step for you to do, and this is to map out your vision for yourself into actions you can take immediately, and actions you need to build up to. For example, if you imagined yourself creating great paintings, there are immediate and longer-term actions to reach that version of yourself, while being happy along the way. You can buy some small canvases, paints and brushes really cheaply, and try to paint whatever comes to mind this weekend. You can sign up for a painting course, which will last for some time, and so on.

4. Stay motivated throughout the process

It is normal that you will have days when you will think that it’s just easier to come back to the ‘’old you’’. That is why it is so important to keep your vision board somewhere around. Whenever the motivation goes away, and you start having the feeling of not knowing what to do, that’s when the vision board comes!

The vision board can have any kind of form - images, quotes, illustrations, pictures - everything you have on your mind that keeps you going and motivated - you can be looking at this every day.

When you plan your goals, you’re working one part of the brain; when you put those goals into images, you’re engaging another part of the brain. Suddenly your conscious and unconscious brain work together toward your goals every day!

5. Stay positive

Stay positive and get excited about the wonderful future you have in front of you. Now when you know how much you’ve learned. That sounds great of course, but it’s like saying, “oh, don’t worry” to someone who is feeling anxious, it doesn’t do much! So what practical actions can we all take to manifest a feeling of positivity no matter what is happening, no matter what stage of the journey of life we are in, whether we feel like we just let ourselves down or are failing to reach something we felt was important in developing the version of ourselves we imagine as most happy.

It’s ironic really, being happy can involve goals, and things which we work towards, but it’s actually a continuous state of mind. The most important thing, therefore, and I’m sure you’ve heard this before, is to fall in love with the process, rather than the outcome.

If you imagine yourself happy, and you imagine yourself winning a marathon for example, or at a certain position in your career, goal-based ideals let's say - then the only question for you, is if the process is equally happy, because that’s what you’ll spend the time of your life on. The gruelling running practices, the long hours of effort to bump up your career, is it something you’ll enjoy doing?

Not saying of course that we can make absolutely everything enjoyable and we shouldn’t do it otherwise, no. The message here is: that the people who reach goals, enjoy and embrace the journey towards them as much, sometimes more, than the end state, and so it’s extremely natural to get there. This is how you can manifest positivity every single day.