4 ways to stop taking things personally

If you heard your colleagues whispering, would you assume it was about you? When your boss is in a bad mood, do you worry that it’s because of something you’ve done wrong?

Then I’m sure you’re aware that you’re taking things personally. One of the reasons we do this is because, understandably, we are often at the centre of our own world.

We see experiences, situations and other people from our own perspective. We look at the world through the goggles of our own thinking at that moment.

So, it’s not surprising that we get hurt by other people’s behaviour or get angry when things don’t go our way. When people behave towards us with what we perceive as a lack of respect, we may feel undervalued and unworthy.

Ask yourself the question, though: Is it really about me?

Imagine you’re standing next to a colleague while getting your coffee and making small talk, but you’re receiving very little response or eye contact. Would you feel hurt and rejected by their apparent rudeness, or would you think they might be having a bad day?

What if a client calls you and is aggressive and demanding? Would you feel offended and disrespected, or would you be curious about what was going on in their world?

Sometimes, it really is something we’ve done that has upset someone else. Perhaps we’ve made a mistake, and they are angry or annoyed. Then it must be personal – or is it?

Is the magnitude of their reaction entirely down to what we did? Their response may also be influenced by their personal experiences, thinking and current circumstances.

How do you stop immediately taking things personally?

1. Remember – you may not have the full picture

Try to remember that everyone responds with the thinking and resources they have at the time. If someone is rude or disrespectful, there may be reasons for their behaviour that you know nothing about. This does not excuse poor behaviour, but it can help you understand that their response may be influenced by more than anything you have said or done.

2. Lose your expectations

This doesn’t mean lowering your standards, but you may be disappointed if you expect people to behave in the way you think they should. Consider your expectations of others when something upsets you. Is this a fair expectation to have?

3. To other people, you’re a small piece in a much bigger jigsaw

This means you might never get to see the whole picture, but you can be sure it isn’t centred around you. It’s easy for us to lose perspective at times. Keep this analogy in your back pocket for the next time you find yourself worrying about an interaction.

4. Value yourself

Rather than focusing on what other people think of you, spend your energy taking care of yourself with self-compassion and speaking up about your thoughts and wants.