4 steps to achieving your goals by avoiding avoidance
Have you ever put something off that you really didn’t want to do? How did it make you feel in the short term? What was the impact in the long term?
In most cases when we avoid doing something we choose this option because it is easier than facing a difficult situation. It is always easier to do nothing than something! Due to this fact, avoidance is one of the most common unhealthy coping strategies that most of us use. For more information on coping strategies please see my article 6 steps to create successful coping strategies.
By doing this we protect ourselves from challenging situations in the short term which can be rewarding as you are reducing your stress and anxiety levels. However, in the long run, it also stops us from overcoming the situation which can lead the problem to become even bigger and more intimidating with no end in sight!
This could include;
- Losing weight: The stress of being overweight and unhappy with your appearance can lead to stress, anxiety, lack of confidence, low mood and low self-esteem which can cause unhealthy habits such as overeating or lethargy
- Quitting smoking: Often people smoke in times of stress in order to feel calmer, however, the cause of the strain will still be there when you have finished that cigarette
- Going to the dentist: Many people fear the dentist (including myself) so avoiding it can give a great sense of relief but by not going the dental issue may become worse requiring even more painful, time-consuming and costly procedures
- Applying for a new job: We spend a third of our week in work so it can have a major impact on our mental and physical health if it is causing distress or dissatisfaction. If you remain in this discomfort zone due to a fear of rejection from a new employer it could lead to stress, illness or burnout.
- Tests and exams: Exams are stressful and can cause fear but avoiding revision and homework can make the tests even harder and difficult to pass. This can lead to a self-fulfilling prophecy in which a fear of failure leads to avoidance ultimately resulting in actual failure. This situation will then reinforce the initial fear and belief that you can not pass, consequently causing anxiety, low self-confidence and further avoidance.
Step 1: Identifying what you have been avoiding
Only by facing these situations can we overcome them in order to gain long-term positive improvements. When working with clients I ask them to;
- Think about your current situation and consider what you have been avoiding
- How is it affecting you physically?
- How is it affecting you emotionally?
- How is this situation affecting your life in the present?
- How could overcoming it improve your situation in the future?
- How would you feel physically?
- How would you feel emotionally?
- What would be different?
Step 2: Create an effective plan to overcome this situation
Once you have decided what you have been avoiding the best way to approach this issue is to take small steps in order to deal with it slowly and calmly at your own pace. In many cases it is important to not take it on in one go if you are not ready as this may reinforce the fear or anxiety felt about the situation and actually make it harder to overcome.
For example, if you have been avoiding getting fitter or losing weight you could start in small ways such as;
- Getting off the bus one stop early
- Asking a friend to exercise with you
- Including 20 minutes of exercise into your day
- Riding your bike or walking to work rather than driving
- Walking the children to school rather than driving
- Going for a walk during your lunch break rather than staying at your desk
Step 3: Increase your efforts
Once you have been incorporating your new goals for a period of time it is important to keep up the momentum by gradually increasing them. This new routine can be increased each week or whenever you are ready. When increasing our targets make small changes as facing your fears is not an easy task but every step forward, no matter how far, is one step closer to achieving your goal!
For example, if you are trying to get fitter or lose weight you can use the following increments;
- Week 1: Walk for 20 minutes each day
- Week 2: Increase this to 25 minutes per day
- Week 3: Try jogging for 20 minutes rather than walking
- Week 4: Try a new form of exercise such as an online fitness workout, swimming, the gym or an exercise class
- Week 5: Increase your walks, jogs or other activities by 5 or 10 minutes each week
Step 4: monitor your progress and appreciate your efforts
Change can be very hard especially if it is something that you may have been avoiding for weeks, months or even years so it is crucial to monitor your progress and, most importantly, appreciate your efforts no matter how big or small. You can do this by asking yourself…
- What have I achieved so far?
- Was it as hard as I thought it would be?
- What activity is working?
- What activity is not working?
- What could I try instead?
- What is different now that I have faced the situation?
- What improvements have I noticed?
- How do I feel physically?
- How do I feel emotionally?
- If I continue, what could I ultimately achieve?
It takes perseverance and bravery to finally confront a stressful situation that has been holding you back so keep up your hard work as it will be worth it! If you are finding it difficult to resist avoiding something which could be stopping you from realising your goals, then therapeutic coaching is a great way to gain support, help and guidance. Once it has been overcome you can finally move on to the happier more empowered future you want and deserve!