How to live a happier, more meaningful & more fulfilled life

This is a question that has been on my mind for the longest time, and the journey to finding this answer has taken me a while. It's the culmination of everything I've intentionally done, tried, explored, read, studied, and experienced that has brought me to this point.

Today, I can confidently, hand on my heart say that I am much happier, more content, and more fulfilled than I have ever been. The process of getting to this point has been a long journey, and here I want to share with you the two things that have had the most significant impact on reaching this point in my life.

First, 'knowing who you are'.

Knowing who you are

Oprah Winfrey repeatedly shares this piece of advice. A quick Google search of her speeches will reveal her emphasis on this point. Your purpose in life is to understand who you are and to “live the highest truest expression of yourself as a human being.” If one of the most successful people on the planet today is sharing this, I believe it's invaluable advice, and Oprah is not the only one who stresses the importance of 'knowing who you are'.

In the Netflix documentary about Jonah Hill’s therapist, Phil Stutz, Stutz introduces tools he uses during their work together, starting with a concept called 'the Life Force Pyramid.' The pyramid consists of three levels, with Stutz asserting that by focusing on these three levels of our 'life force', everything else in our life will fall into place. 

At the bottom level of the pyramid is looking after our 'body,' the key elements that contribute to our health: sleep, diet, and fitness. This forms the foundation for everything. We all know that a good night's sleep, proper nutrition, and regular exercise are critical for our physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual well-being, allowing us to be at our best and perform at our best.

The middle level of the pyramid is 'people.' This refers to connection, community, and relationships. As social beings, humans thrive on connections with others. Research has shown that loneliness is bad for our brains, for our health and can reduce our life expectancy.

At the top level of the pyramid is 'yourself.' This brings us back to the point of 'knowing who you are', and highlights the relationship you have with yourself.

In case you're still not convinced, let me include a few other examples. Marshall Goldsmith, the world's top-ranked executive coach, accomplished author, thinker, and speaker imparts a formula he calls the three A's in his book The Earned Life to lose regret and choose fulfilment. 

The three A’s are 'ambition,' 'achievement,' and 'aspiration.' Action is what we do day to day, our activities. Marshall highlights that most people in life are lost in action, mindlessly rushing through life and filling up their days with activities. Being lost in busyness doesn’t always mean being productive though and is often not being present. 

The Pareto Principle, a concept that tells us only 20% of our actions and activities produce 80% of our results, suggests that if you're often lost in busyness, it's worthwhile to look at what that is and cut back on what those are, whether in your professional or personal life.

Ambition is what we want to achieve. It is our pursuit of a defined goal, with a clear deadline, whether it's a work goal, an academic goal, a financial goal, or a physical goal. Achievers are often lost in ambition, always setting and achieving goals, and continuously aiming for something bigger and better. 

The final A is aspiration, who we want to become, the difference with this 'A' is that there is no deadline. It’s about knowing who you are and living our values, it's who we aspire to be, and who we want to become and this takes time, it evolves. 

All three A’s are needed to live a happy, fulfilled life. Ambition alone does not offer long-term happiness. Achieving a goal, whether it's a promotion, an ideal weight, or something else, provides a temporary feeling of happiness, while aspiration offers a richer, lasting feeling of inner happiness. Action is needed for both, and all three must be aligned to achieve a fulfilled and meaningful life. 

My final piece of information to convince you of the importance of knowing who you are involves science. Positive psychology is the science of wellbeing, it's the scientific study of the good life that offers rigorously tested, measurable interventions to help optimise our overall well-being.

Within positive psychology is a wellbeing framework called 'PERMA', an acronym created by Professor Martin Seligman, the founder of Positive Psychology, focusing on five pillars to do this being:

All five pillars ultimately stem from the foundation of helping you get to know who you are, what matters to you and aligning yourself to live life through those pillars, only then does inner happiness, meaning, and fulfilment become truly attainable. 

This has absolutely been a game-changer for me. When you know who you are – your values, what truly matters to you in life, who you aspire to be, why you are here, what you want to do, how you want to live your life, what makes you happy, what excites you, what brings you joy, what brings out the best in you – and live in alignment with this, your life changes dramatically.

It is a journey, it does take time, it does take effort, but it's 100% worth it. I promise you, take it from Oprah, Marshall, and Professor Seligman.

Now, moving to my second point: Gratitude. Understanding and practising gratitude daily has been a huge epiphany for me. 

Gratitude

We may think we're grateful because we occasionally say 'Thank you,' but how often do we wake up every morning and go to bed counting our blessings?

Do we truly feel and appreciate everything that’s worked well for us that day and for all the things we already have in our lives?

How often have we thanked and genuinely appreciated our health, bodies, ability to move, every meal we’ve enjoyed, each breath, our families, our children, nature, and the roof over our heads?

It’s incredibly easy to take things for granted, and I admit I've fallen into this trap myself. Amidst numerous distractions, busyness, constant rushing, and ongoing to-do lists, gratitude often takes a backseat.

So, I challenge you to make gratitude a priority and urge you to take a minute daily to just breathe and reflect on everything you already have in your life. 

How can we desire more, aim for more, and work for more, if we don't genuinely appreciate what we already have? 

If there is one thing that Covid has taught us, it's not to take anything for granted, so before we hastily let life take over again, let’s remind ourselves of this crucial lesson.

There is a beautiful heartwarming video on Instagram from 'Bravegown,' an inspiring nonprofit organisation transforming hospital wear to uplift patients' spirits, showing a young male patient waking up after surgery. His father engages in a conversation with him where each revelation brings sheer excitement. The young patient shows tears of joy and happiness at realising he has a mother, a father, sisters and a dog and the short clip ends with him saying “Oh my goodness, my life is perfect!”. Just watching his joy, his exhilaration, his deep appreciation and gratitude reminded me how incredibly special everything we have in our lives is.

How often have we been this excited, appreciative, and happy for every single thing we have? For everything we have now, for our families, there was a time when we wished, hoped, and longed for everything we have.

Jim Kwik, the Brain Coach, entrepreneur, speaker and writer, often poses a powerful challenge: What if tomorrow you only have what you were grateful for today? What would show up in your life? In answering this, you'll gauge whether you truly live in gratitude or simply think you do.

Approaching every single day from a place of deep appreciation and gratitude transforms everything in life – your work, relationships, interactions, dynamics, workouts, your home, your meals, your income.

Everything in your life improves with gratitude. Regardless of your current circumstances, just try seeing your life and what you have through the lens of gratitude – put on those rose-tinted glasses.

A richer, more fulfilled life, more meaningful life largely springs from gratitude. 

Abundance, happiness, love, success, and meaningful relationships all stem from this practice. Gratitude shifts your outlook and energy. Instead of forcing, wishing, or controlling, you adopt a more positive energy of receiving. Ultimately, gratitude makes you feel good.

It's genuinely one of the best things I've done. This one simple practice has tangibly improved how I feel each day tenfold.

And again it's not just me conveying this message. There is an abundant amount of research that supports the power of gratitude. Gratitude reminds us each day that life itself is a gift and to thrive in life means feeling good and functioning well.

Thank you so much for reading.