8 tips for when things don't go to plan

Sometimes, despite our best efforts, things just don’t work out the way we anticipated and planned. And, in these situations, it is easy to let the circumstances dictate our mood and behaviour; revert to catastrophic thinking, self-blame, blaming others and circumstances, and just let our fears run wild. In this state, we are not in the best mindset to make helpful decisions.

A few months ago, I had a week where everything was not going according to plan. By the end of the week, I started to get frustrated and overwhelmed. It felt as if nothing was working out the way I wanted it to.

I noticed myself getting irritable, found it difficult to make decisions and worried I had made the wrong ones. I was letting external circumstances clog up my mind with worry and, in return, the worry was blocking my access to my inner wisdom and flow.

Thus, the first step is to notice that the circumstance has now affected our mood and behaviour. Spot what is building up in our minds, and then help ourselves back to our calmness and centredness, where we can start to solve any problems. Once I realised this, I reverted to my strategy for when things don’t go to plan to get my mind back on track.

Having a when things don’t go to plan strategy pre-planned, ahead of time and preferably written down with a step-by-step guide in place, is really useful. Planning this ahead of time can give you a smoother ride through the troubled waters and also give you the brainpower to focus on what to do better next time.

Below I have collated a list of tools I have found really useful in circumstances when the mind has taken over.

8 things to try when life doesn’t go to plan

1. Writing it down, the good and the bad

Many times, in situations like these, we are told to only write down the good things that are happening in our lives. I disagree with this. Writing down the problems can release our brain from the negatives and shed light on them, enabling us to question the reality of these thoughts. Sometimes we might just ruminate about something for no good reason, only working ourselves up into a panic. Having them “outed” on paper can help put them to rest and out of your mind.

So start by jotting your areas of worry down on a piece of paper. Don’t go into too much detail - just give them short headlines. On the reverse of the sheet, do the same with all the good things that are happening in your life, the big and small. Because the truth is, there is usually good happening; we sometimes just fail to notice it.

Once everything is visible on paper, this can help quieten the internal negative monologue. You are not only able to question the validity of the negatives but also focus more on the positives.

2. Put things into perspective

Look at the sheet with all your problems or worries. Are these things the end of the world? Will you still worry about them when you are 70? If the answer is no, which it usually is, this can be another way to relax those brain cells and let the solutions flow back in.

3. Target solutions

When we’re stressed or worried, the natural reaction of our brain is to focus on the problems and forget that we may have options available to us. But to be able to get to the solutions, our minds need to calm down. When we are in a tricky situation, it can be easy to let the focus be on the problems.

Once you have written them down, turn the page and further expand on the positives that are happening in your life. Writing it down is part of the solution. Really immerse yourself in all the good, the big and small, in all areas of your life.

Now turn back to the problem side. What solutions could you find to each one? Go through each one at a time. What would be the easiest thing to action? Give yourself three solutions for each issue.

4. Focus on the goal at hand

Once we have started to create solutions, the next step is to focus on creating small and doable action steps we can take forward quickly, which will get the ball, or should I say the brain, running again at a better speed.

5. Find the good in the situation

Now this one can be pretty difficult, but it is possible. Following on from the above exercise, go back to the problem page and under each header write the good that can come out of these situations.

What can you learn and how can you work it out better next time?

6. Contrast is good too

If everything went smoothly all the time, there would be no contrasts of the opposite experience, and we would become complacent and take things for granted. When tough situations or small problems arise, we can also see them as reminders of what we do have and have had so far. It is possible to get back there, as we already skilfully managed to do.

7. This will pass

Reminding ourselves that the situation is not permanent and things will start moving again soon, in one direction or another, helps. Close your eyes and breathe deeply in and out.

Repeat to yourself: “I am a success. Things can work out for me. I now relax and open the door to my wisdom. The right answer can come to me with ease.”

This is you telling your mind to relax and believe things can be alright. We may simply have let our mind take over in this moment of upheaval. Speaking to your mind with kindness and affirmations can help open the door back to your wisdom. Try it.

In life, as we know, things pass. Situations resolve themselves one way or another. Keeping this in mind is helpful as it allows you to go back to focusing on the bigger picture and not leave everything else aside while this crisis is happening.

8. Time out

And when I say time out, I mean it. This is a skill to be practised and is within everybody’s reach. Even when things are really tough, finding a safe space you can go to and take some time off everything that is happening is so beneficial to our mind. I cannot recommend it highly enough.

Starting this exercise at times when things are running smoothly paves the way for it to work in a crisis even better, as we are prepared. For me, walking, cycling, or my exercise time is a place where no troubles are allowed to enter, in any state of mind. Immersing oneself in pleasurable activity is also a way of releasing the brain from the throes of a crisis.

Once you have given your mind some space from the problem situation, this can help you return faster to your natural, healthy, functioning self, where solutions may come more easily, and you can access your inner wisdom again.