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How to create the life you want

It's so easy to rumble on, not feeling quite right, not getting what you want. Months and years roll by, and suddenly you realise this isn’t where you want to be. Sound familiar? If this applies to you, then its time to take a stand and make a change! Read on for some tips on how to create the life you’ll love.

Knowing what you don’t want isn’t the same as knowing what you do want.

I always ask clients at the start of their journey what they want to get out of their coaching. So often they will reel off a comprehensive list of what they don’t want. I nod and acknowledge their thoughts then ask them again, what is it they actually want? That’s when the magic starts to happen.

You see, we are so used to focusing on what we don’t want, what doesn’t work, and what we want to avoid that often we forget to notice what we do want in our lives. Once we switch this around and begin to notice what we want, all of a sudden we can begin to put a plan together of how to get there. We begin to see opportunities, notice what we can change, and begin to share our would-be future with others. Allowing our brains to see a positive way ahead is the first step to creating that change.

Daily habits for happiness

Along the way, we can make things easier for ourselves by mindfully creating small, helpful habits into our daily lives. This might be a ten-minute walk timetabled into our day, reading poetry that you find calming, meditation or yoga, switching off technology half an hour before bed, even having a tidy space in which we sleep and wake up daily.

Anything we can implement, however small, that we know puts us in a better, more relaxed mood on a daily basis, will help. Though small, they will have a cumulative effect that will allow you to feel in a more positive place to move forward. Write a list of all the things you could do and choose the ones that you think will benefit you the most.

What’s stopping you?

There are many reasons people give for not getting what they want. Money, time and energy are all big culprits. Sometimes, though, it's none of the above. Oftentimes it is actually an idea that we have stuck in our mind that is stopping us. Some kind of self-limiting belief that is stopping us getting started. You see, it is the starting that is one of the most important things. Once we have started and committed to something in our mind, then we find a way to raise the cash, free up time, or find more energy.

Have a scan through your mind and body at a quiet time and just ask yourself 'What exactly is stopping me getting what I want? Finding what I want?'. You may have to ask several times before you get an answer. That answer might come in words, pictures, or even just a feeling. Then, focus in on where it is from, and how that idea came to be there in the first place. Once you have found that, it is the beginning of finding a way through. A good coach can always help you to find it and un-pick it, if that helps. It can be incredibly freeing to discover something that was there all along that was stopping you get what you want and finally deal with it.

What fulfils you and what drains you?

We all have things that we 'have' to do in our lives that may feel out of necessity rather than choice. We also all have things that we know we love doing and put a spring in our step. It can be easy, perhaps out of a sense of duty, to take on more of the former and less of the latter, maybe even feeling guilty if we plan to do something we love. The thing is though, we need balance. We need to find a level where the feeling of fulfilment in our lives outweighs the ones that drain us. Otherwise, we stop functioning, and then we can’t help people in the same way we can as when we are in a good place.

Write a list of things that you do in your life that feel draining. Put them in order of those that take the most energy. Starting with one of the 'easier' ones, ask yourself if there is another, less draining way of achieving the same outcome. It might be doing it in a different way, asking someone else to help, or you might even find that some things don’t really need to be done by you at all. As you get the hang of it, move on to the bigger things and see if there is a way to lessen the burden. Watch out for any feelings of guilt getting in your way.

Then, write a list of the things that give you energy. Make sure you incorporate enough of them into your life so that balance is restored. It can really help you have a clearer picture of life and is great for anyone who might feel overwhelmed or stressed. Sometimes we just don’t realise how much we take on!

Create your future by taking one small step

What can you do today that is going to begin to create your future? Make a decision and do it. It might be booking that yoga class you’ve been thinking of doing for the past year, enquiring about a course you always wanted to do, buying a book about the place you want to travel to (and reading it!), booking in a chat with a coach you might want to work with, maybe even just arranging a catch up with a friend you’ve not seen for ages to talk about your ideas and where you want to go next. Whatever it is, that one small change can be the start of your journey. What we do today will create our tomorrow. We only have today, so in some small way, make it count!

Sometimes the idea of getting or even knowing what we want can be overwhelming. It doesn’t need to be. We need to stop avoiding looking at our future and invite it in. A coach can really help to start you off in the right direction. This can be an experience you know will inspire you - whatever works for you, now is the time for action. You’ll be so proud when you look back and remember the day that you finally decided to get the life you want!

Life Coach Directory is not responsible for the articles published by members. The views expressed are those of the member who wrote the article.

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Written by Rachel Coffey

One of Happiful magazine’s regular panel of experts, Rachel is a leading life coach, voice coach (MA) and business coach . Using researched, innovative and person centred techniques, she helps her clients create real and lasting change in a short space of time. Confidentiality is guaranteed. All enquiries warmly welcomed!… Read more

Written by Rachel Coffey

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