Are you choosing misery?

I know we’ve all been there. A relationship that we hold onto because it feels comfortable, even though a part of us knows that it isn’t right for us. A job that we stay in because it feels familiar, even though we know we are plateauing. A routine that we stick to because it feels safe, even though it brings us no joy.


I know this because it's human instinct to crave familiarity, comfort and safety. We actively move away from things that are uncertain or that could cause us pain or that appear dangerous. Our brains are literally hard-wired to seek what is known, what is certain.

And whilst staying in our comfort zone is fine (and sometimes absolutely necessary!), it doesn’t allow space for transformational growth. It doesn't offer the opportunity to explore what it is that you actually want from this life. It's a place that can leave you feeling like you’re stagnating, be it at work, with friends, in a relationship, in your community, or at home.

And a conflict arises.

  • Do you stay in a life that is certain but lacks fulfilment?
  • Or do you move towards a life that is uncertain but offers fulfilment?

​​You can substitute fulfilment for happiness, joy, love, purpose or whatever you sense is lacking in your life. But the point is, when we bump up against a possible hint of change, red flags go up, and warning bells sound, alerting you of danger outside these familiar, comfortable walls.

If you can't solve it (fight), and if you can't run from it (flight), you're left with this feeling of being stuck (freeze). When we're in this freeze state, our capacity to tolerate stress and make decisions dramatically decreases. My clients often say to me that it feels like they can't trust themselves anymore. And so, the best thing to do is just stay where we are.

You see, most people prefer to be miserable but comfortable, than risk what lies beyond the discomfort.

But beyond discomfort lies self-love, deep connection, passion and purpose.

Stepping out of a life that feels familiar takes courage. And I know that it might not always feel like it, but trust me - you are bold and brave. You have overcome hardships and traumas. You have moved through experiences of pain and adversity. You've been on so many unique journeys. You've done incredible things. You've made it through 100% of the worst days of your life so far.

There's a point in your past where you never thought you'd get to where you are today. There are experiences that you've been through that you didn't believe you could do and yet you did.

A strategy I share with my clients is to get them to ask themselves:

  1. ​What am I afraid of?
  2. What could be possible for me if I moved through this fear?
  3. Is that a reality worth pursuing?

Once we know what it is that we are afraid of and what it is that we are missing out on, it becomes easier to put the steps in place to make those necessary changes.

So, if there's even a glimmer in you that feels like there could be more, that you could be more, then I want to hear from you. I know change can be terrifying! I know going against what is expected of you is challenging. But you deserve more than a half-life. You are worthy of the most vibrant, fulfilling life.

The views expressed in this article are those of the author. All articles published on Life Coach Directory are reviewed by our editorial team.

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London SW6 & Lymington SO41
Written by Alexandra Taylor, Holistic Life & Mindset Coach for Women
London SW6 & Lymington SO41

Alexandra, is an experienced Integrative Coach supporting her clients in overcoming their inner critic and reaching their full potential. She helps people to make the changes that they wish to make so that they can lead happier, healthier and more balanced lives.

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