Great things are happening, but you find it hard to feel good about them
It’s suddenly hit you; you’re starting to achieve some of the things you’ve been working towards. Bit by bit, you’re feeling more inspired, energised and peaceful. Life feels hopeful, your work or business feels expansive, and you feel more yourself.
There are reasons for you to quietly say ‘thank you’.
But something doesn’t feel right…
Every now and then there’s a dull ache that sits in your chest. At other times it’s an anchor that you could easily sink with.
And then there’s that voice. “It’s not going to last,” “You don’t deserve this,” “Something bad must be on it’s way now”
Suddenly your ability to envisage the worst-case scenario knows no limits, you say no to opportunities that feel ‘too big’ for you, keep yourself ‘in your place’ or feel guilty about the things in your life that are going well.
In the past, I had the belief that life had to be a struggle that things did not come easily. This resulted in sabotage of things that felt as though they'd fallen into my lap’ or I that hadn’t worked hard enough for them. If I didn’t work hard for it, I didn’t deserve it.
For someone else, they may well have worked hard for it, but then they feel guilty for being able to relax, enjoying themselves, enjoy where they are, because life is meant to be a struggle, and other people are struggling.
Or it might be you learned from a young age, that nothing you did was ever good enough, and so nothing you achieve ever feels good enough, and you’re unable to be proud of yourself.
Sometimes making changes to your life and how you operate in the world, can feel like a difficult break up with your past.
While you know some of it no longer serves you, it feels like losing a part of you that’s become so familiar.
Are you moving toward happiness or moving away from fear?
Working towards something, moving forward, make things better, connecting with others and being with yourself, can be driven by either the desire to be happy, or the fear being unhappy.
This distinction is important if you find yourself constantly making decisions so that you don’t feel uncomfortable, guilty, anxious, or that you’re ‘punching above your weight’. Instead ask yourself what will support you to grow, feel calm and deserving of things that you want in you life?
This means looking at both the things you want to change, and the beliefs about yourself that are getting in the way.
Acknowledge your emotions
Yes, you can change the way you feel by changing the way you think. But then what happens to that emotion? Does it go away, or is it suppressed until the next event, change, challenge or success? Our emotions contain useful information.
Ask yourself, what it is you fear, and what it is that this part of you needs to be able to accept the good things when they come. For me, my fear often needs reassurance that I am often able to provide with empathy, compassion and facts.
Work through those emotions.
Sometimes our actions, and fears stem from events in the past that are reinforced by similar events in later life, or sabotaging great ones. For example, clients I’ve worked in EFT sessions have been shocked to discover that their writer’s block related to not being allowed to express themselves as children, or that the fear of vulnerability in their business, stems from strong messages as a child, about how a man 'should be'.
You already have proof that your life can change and feel better; as well as the knowledge you are good enough. Great things are already happening. What needs to change around you or within you, for the good things to feel good, and to believe you deserve them?
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About Catherine Callender
I support people to discover their authentic selves; supporting them to move away from situations that have left them unhappy and exhausted, and towards a life that feels inspired and fulfilling.
I work from the premise that stripping back to the real you, are where shifts in thinking, self-view and possibilities start to happen.